Going In Circles

[shouldistillhope]

I backslid last night big time. Went to see kids program and talked to W after about finances. Things were going well until i brought up R talk. I asked her what she truly felt in her heart about us getting back together at some point after our D was final. I could literally see her eyes glaze over and she went instantly cold. I asked her if she was willing to let me take care of her until some point in the future if she saw change we could maybe start to work on us.

As i was saying these things, i knew i should STFU but my brain and my mouth were having a war and my mouth won.

I mentioned that i would be willing to help her if she ran into trouble with her car or problems with the house, but i said i couldn't do any of these things if i found out she was dating someone else.

She instantly mentioned that i was trying to control her and i said "i see how you feel that way, and i apologize.

I then started apologizing for not being there for her the last couple years and i just couldn't keep my mouth shut.

On the drive home after my major screw up, i just felt and also feel this morning that maybe its time to give up.

I feel like an idiot.