hey hi- DAWN, PORTIA, MIZJDD,FOREVERYOUNG, ETC. ALL YOU GUYS HERE LAST NITE - -
whatta nite- laughed til i fell off my perch - ALWAYS good to go hang with a buddy- laugh - feel how nice it feels to be with people that want & appreciate your company- ta da.
PER MZJJD""""Its so enraging isn't it, when they say basically, "Yeah, so?"My H does this exact same thing to me and it makes me near homicidal and it diminishes me too. I absolutely hate this part of the attitude... just saying I feel ya' girl"""""
ME TOO on this- what blockheads. I'm wondering IF being easy-going and willing to accept people for what they are (even when it's not exactly what you like) is the "enabling" behavior we all engage in- IF IT CAN BE CALLED THAT - ??? YA THINK?
my h- i'm just thinking he's got a spoiled old "entitled" attitude- cheating parents (lousy role models) - everything handed to him in life (tho unhappy parent r's) - and ta da-
just a guy that thinks he's the only one in world deserving of love and happiness. everyone else "doesn't really matter" to him.
sad but true i think.
""""""PER DAWN: "It's all too ridiculous for me to handle anymore. I have no sympathy for his pain when I see the guy is soo smart and calculating that he IS making these choices for himself. No matter who he hurts that's ok because he's in crises..""""
me too- it is very hard to "keep my eye on the ball" here when i feel this way too. i'm not soooo sure on a daily basis it's his "pain" motivating him. i'm still leaning toward "greed" and "entitlement" - even if it's entitlement to blame and take his problems out on those around him...or those who love him.... i
YA KNOW WHAT DAWN- THIS MORNING I feel like you- i'm glad he's not here with his stinking sour puss- yesterday when he "saved" my computer (after an hour of trying- i couldn't get it going again) - then he "lectured" me about it- backing up (guilty), so on....SO- WHAT DO YOU SAY ABOUT A PERSON WHO CAN'T even be generous in victory (if you will?) i'd say shabby- small - needy - go stick your head in an over somewhere and leave me be.....
i may get lonely- but i will conquer this business of accepting "junk" from people - HIM- MY MOTHER - THAT STUPID one class- IF there is something in me that invites it- i'm going to find it- weed it out and toss it in the bin. i reckon if i can isolate it- own it- i can FIX it-
FOREVER YOUNG""""I truly understand your frustration. You can vent here, you can even be "Done". But whatever you do, don't vent on him. Nothing good will come from it."""
i KNOW THIS is the spiel in db (even subscribe to the wisdom) BUT - one has to wonder tho- where the line gets to be about holding it in til your head explodes - or periodically letting off some of the steam to the one person (you think) needs to hear it. mental health kind of thing.
dealing with men like these guys (sorry if i sound sexist) but there is that CONQUERING HERO side of them - the rest of us are mere serfs of the realm- not quite as human as them, certainly never as IMPORTANT as them, or as "deserving" etc. it's just a fact of life with some people - giant EGO? ...
i know once we say it- it's been said- DO NOT GO THERE AGAIN. & t squares good old "stfu" - certain actions tho- attitudes - just produce certain effects- with me it's like that too - fall off the wagon- dust self off- get back up- be a stinking human being- imperfect - keep trying - on and on and on til - - - what???
RE; PORTIA:::""" I do wish I was as done as you. Convincing myself has not worked.
Nero, I like your post about DBing above. I remember reading the book DR for the first time and thinking, I can do this! I never realized - and I do not think any book can convey - how truly deeply I was (and am) hurt by all that happened. This "final abandonment" has been the most difficult. Nothing shows no care at all like disappearing. And so, we do not DB perfectly. MLC is a slightly different animal than regular relationship problems."
I AGREE TOTALLY- the ABSOLUTE PAIN OF SOMEONE'S INDIFFERENCE - SOMEONE THAT "USED TO"LOVE AND CHERISH YOU - I swear - i feel horrible to think of my sister and others who have gone thru this- and while i did my best to comfort & support them - I HAD NO IDEA about the total annihlation of heart- soul- selfimage, etc. IT'S SOOOO HUGE & DEVASTATING. i don't think the people dealing it out have any idea in the universe -
i wonder if my h is not the same as yours (- wanting to force me to give up and go) . i'm sure if he had to explain to anyone- he'd lay it all rite at my door- complete with (i'm anticipating) the final split. it's pathetic - he's pathetic.
mine tho- his best friends & relatives know tho- they've all, along the way inquired here or there (i've been friends with them all for almost 40 years) - i've made no bones about it - however seemingly "normal" he acts. they can judge him how they like. ( i have no illusions that i am as important to them as him) btw - they can merely know that good ole me (- whom we all think is such a swell gal)- when i disappear for good, it's becasue he's a cheating rat... i did the best i could for as long as i could. maybe i'm petty- i'll accept the blame that is mine - not his..
i am not going to skulk out of my life like a beaten dog- the truth will set us free - huh? (OR i'm a just a fat-mouth and have no problem being honest with those people who truly seem to care enough to notice my pain & express their caring.
I cannot make excuses for him anymore or put a good spin on his "quirks" anymore....
PORTIA " Maybe that is what he wanted all along; someone else to blame. They test us, all the time and the truth is, we always fail their tests. We don't even know they are taking them. My xSO admitted as much to me."""
fortunate you that your h even sees and ADMITS this. I AM SO SICK OF FAILING TESTS - AS RECENTLY as last evening- WOW totally WOW THAT your H admits it) (clear -sighted guy) -
mine is firmly in the land of the self-righteous sooooo any such self-analysis would be a miracle. last nite- the lecture after fixing my computer- COULD YOU BE MORE NEEDY GUY to have to bam away a bit to make me knuckle under? (it was missing this forum that made me suck it up with grace - )
It's never really "fair" - maybe it's that- he can smell insurrection - even when i'm quiet - that i still have a backbone and am an EQUAL and he cannot appreciate or tolerate that in his life, in his R at this time.
he USED TO value me as a person- it's hard to think that part of his soul now HAS TO subdue people. how lame is that? (SO- IS THIS WHAT IS SUPPOSED TO BE HIS "PAIN" ) is it the being retired and not able to go be a star in court of law anymore? no more public and applauded victories to show the world? he still apparently SHINES on the tennis court (not allowed to be part of that world tho - so how would i know?) -
ICK ICK ICK-
you guys sure are helping me along too here - thanks for all the insights - what the heck i would haVe done or how the heck i would have waded thru this all for sooooooo long - i do not even know..... cannot even imagine.....
it's such a mess - (mylife) BUT
IT'S SUCH A WONDERFUL cool morning- almost a whole nite sleep- yay.... one small wonderful thing this morning- i'll take it.
