"ok... today was not much better. H is very irritable (lack of sleep, etc), but to keep taking it out on me??? UGH.... He never says Hello when we see eachother, or Goodbye either. Today, I got a "dismissed" back hand wave after I said my happy bye."
Just because he doesn't say 'hello' or 'goodbye' doesn't mean that he's "taking it out on you". He just doesn't feel like saying it. Stop taking it so personally. I don't know how many times we can tell you that it's NOT you, but him.
"So... the only way I see to be is happy and disregard his mood (as he can OWN it, indepedently of me). He needs to know, I don't take his crap anymore & therefore won't be around for it,...correct?"
Yes, BUT only during those times that he outright disrespects you. Not saying hi or goodbye aren't those times.
I did not ask why he was irritable, or ask what the "business action plan" was for today... I just left, pleasant.
H was so nice the other day, then yesterday & today so miserable & Yesterday was a FANTASTIC day financially for us... what makes him think he can be rude & irritable at me? What did I do wrong that he feels he can do this?
Is this part of MLC script or something?"
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
What you would be doing right now, is personally dim and business wise setting boundaries.
You are a work in progress, and I do think you are making progress as I believe your detaching is getting slightly better.
How's your GAL, BTW?
Was the coffee/snack business or pleasure? Either way it is OK to accept now and then if for pleasure. If for business, well... it's business... watch your boundaries but it's OK to be friendly with co-workers.
Saturday shopping is business. If you want to set boundaries as weekends off or office only, then no saturday shopping. Otherwise, feel free to go but keep it business, although be sure to look your best and be pleasant and cheerful... in a business kind of way.
Bond.. he is this way ONLY to me, anyone else he is "acting pleasant" too. If a friend, or our daughter enters his "space" he puts on a smile & says "hello". So, I do take it somewhat personally. He needs to welcome me with a smile too!
KD... GAL is pretty good, I go to church, I pray (BIG 180's), visit neighbours often, and other friends too, I go to co-d meetings (although I am not sure I will continue as it is a share group, not lessons to be learned), may try a divorce recovery group too, try to spend time with DD, etc.
The coffee/snack was pleasured business. We were killing time between clients back at our home, he offered coffee and came out with coffee/ crackers & cheese/ then cookies. How do you want me to watch my boundaries? After our light snack while working and short social time with his parents, I went back to work, and then left shortly thereafter. Thanking him for the light lunch.
Yes, Saturday will be business. We will not have weekends off as a regular rule as it is typically an expected business day in our industry. If he suggests we need to go again, I will go and look awesome and pleasant too. Yes, in a business kind of way.
TX!!
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
"Bond.. he is this way ONLY to me, anyone else he is "acting pleasant" too. If a friend, or our daughter enters his "space" he puts on a smile & says "hello"."
He acts this way to you because you are the closest one to him. AGAIN.. this isn't about YOU, it's about HIM.
"So, I do take it somewhat personally. He needs to welcome me with a smile too!"
No he doesn't. It's YOUR choice to feel insulted. You can just as easily choose to brush it off.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
funny ~ how I just wish I could pick up the phone and chit chat with h, to see how he is, etc. Unlike MOST on this forum and Due to us working together, these types of calls don't ever get to happen. Would it be so wrong? Is it too soon? Will I ever get to do this? I just miss him so much.
I guess if he wanted to chit chat with me, he'd get over himself and make the effort to call me, right? Guess he needs more space then. (talking myself out of calling). Looking for support.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
"Bond.. he is this way ONLY to me, anyone else he is "acting pleasant" too. If a friend, or our daughter enters his "space" he puts on a smile & says "hello"."
He acts this way to you because you are the closest one to him. AGAIN.. this isn't about YOU, it's about HIM.
Exactly my thoughts. He puts on his "game face" for everyone else. With you, he's relaxed (no matter if you think so or not) and knows he doesn't have to pretty himself up for you and more than that, he (subconsciously) likely thinks that you'll love him anyhow.
Yes, it's tedious and tiresome, but right now you are still the safe person for him. That is actually a good thing.
Please try to wait at least until the weekend. You can chit chat with him on a personal level if you decide to go to Saturday Shopping... IF he brings up idle chit chat...
Been thinking (just popped into my head), recalling how h is annoyed that others can jump into a new R so quickly and he asked if I was mad because a friend was able to do so within a short period of time. And how our neighbour has moved on quickly to someone else after her 5 year marriage & child with her ex. I'm thinking its possible that he is questioning this because he possibly thought that by now he would be able to jump into something else, or that the grass is greener... and hasn't quite been for him, yet. If this is his thought, what does it suggest?
I know this is purely mindreading, but wondering what it could suggest?
KD, you suggest "game face" and I understand that. Being relaxed and himself around me. Assuming that I will love him regardless of how he treats me. And yet you suggest this is a good thing?...is it really? Can you expand?
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
"I know this is purely mindreading, but wondering what it could suggest?"
In your case, "wondering" is a bad thing. I don't see why you can't just concentrate on yourself rather than constantly wondering what your H is thinking.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
well... because he has made comments about it so much to me and I have suddenly came to this conclusion. I didn't know how to reply each time he did... any suggestion for the next time he does? He even made the same comment to our D22!
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
