Wow, all I can say is wow Mz.J. I totally get why you want to go watch your son in the states, especially if they are really not very good and will probably not make it past the prelims, and won't ever get there again. How strange that as a man, your H doesn't see that. Ah, MLC, makes them so compassionate!
I hope you and Andy (Jackson ) have a nice dinner. How is your other son faring down in Florida?
No dinner with "AJ" due to changes in plans. But the good news there is that S20 got his license today (MizJay is now doing her version of the cha-cha. It looks alot like the Meow Mix dance from an old tv commercial. That MizJay could use some help.) No more getting up super early to drive S20 to work cha-cha-cha
S162 is doing ok as far as I know. I've received a few texts, including a photo he took at the Atlanta aquarium. Last message said his phone was dying and he'd text from the hotel.
Got the ok to attend S161's track meet
Funny thing about when H goes on his gambling trips, the first night he's gone I am soooo sleepy. I will probably turn in by eight o'clock tonight, yawn.
But! Not going to bed just yet because I want to address my comfort levels. (From the comfort of my bed, natch )
Peace ~ ~
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
Congratulations to you son in getting his license! Now he can get himself to work and you can rest a bit more in the mornings.
I'm glad your son is enjoying himself in Atlanta. The aquarium is fantastic. Has he done the underground yet? That's interesting as well as the Coca Cola Museum. I'm sure he'll try to fit in as many sightseeing trips that he can.
You are sleepy the first night he's gone because your nerves settle down and you aren't as tense about things. Enjoy your "me" time.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Yes, very glad S20 got his license back. And not just for me, but for him as well. I'm hoping it will lead to him developing more of a social life (a healthy one please) and improve his self image. He is a worry spot for me. He has no ambition and is somewhat socially awkward. And of course is an easy and frequent target of H. (Convo this weekend I counted 7 "stupids" from H to S20. And then H wonders why S20 stays mostly in his room.) He won't go to any type of school because he "doesn't know what he wants to do". I try to walk a line between nurturing and being firm to him. He pays his own phone, pays me rent, pays on the insurance, pays for his 2 cats and 1 rat.
S162 only had a stopover in Atlanta on his way to the keys for his school trip. I don't think they did more than the aquarium. My mom used to live outside of Atlanta; I know its jam packed with great things to do!
This area however, is not nearly jammed. I spent last evening really searching out options to start moving away from center and there just isn't much. I came up with a book club - bought the book, the club meets in 2 weeks. I also am considering volunteering at the food bank. However too, this is the last year for the twins and I don't want to get so "other" busy that I miss out on time with them. So still pondering the best way to ease out of my comfort zone. Fortunately it is summer time so there are some outdoor events on the horizon which I'll either go to alone or see if one of the kids wants to go along.
Still need to call the school. Its on my list for TODAY. As is a pedi, so better run.
Thank you again for stopping by.
One last thing. Read a blurb in a mag this morning that said when dealing with stressful times, when there are decisions to be made, gaze into your "crystal ball". Consider where the decision might lead you to in 3 - 5 years, will it be a help or a hurt? Personally, what I am afraid of is being in the same spot in 3 - 5 years. I am afraid of not growing, of not becoming stronger.
Cheers!!
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
I'm sorry about your MIL. Sounds like she's in a great deal of pain. She's put a huge burden on your h by discussing the option of suicide. Has he talked about how he feels about this? Are they expecting him to help w/this suicide pact?
I do hope that they will consider something else and not take their own lives as this would leave a terrible burden behind for those who knew what they did. I will keep them in my thoughts and prayers. The situation sounds like it is getting very serious for her to discuss it w/her son. I pray that they find another solution and can enjoy what little time they have left on this earth and allow God to determine when they shall cross over.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
H has talked "around" the topic of his parents death. Prior to this casino trip we knew of course that MIL was not doing well. She even told him in a phone convo that she "almost called him to come help her". I thought this was hugely significant and told H that as he had 4 days in a row off I thought he should go to his folks instead of the casino. H said he didn't want to do that because - and I wish I could recall the exact phrasing he used - if he went up that would mean something bad was happening and he didn't want something bad to happen, or maybe it was to deal with something bad.
I said it was possible that a visit from him could forestall "something bad", meaning "a stitch in time saves nine" approach but he said no.
On his last trip there FIL discussed suicide with H. Even showed him the bottle of pills being saved for just such a decision. At that time FIL was the one ailing and he pleaded with MIL to agree to take them with him because FIL feels they should go together. But then, MIL wasn't so bad off and she wasn't interested.
I know, from first hand experience, that the death of a parent can be staggering. But for H, already on thin ice mentally/emotionally, to lose both parents at once, and in this manner...
And what sort of precedent does this decision set for the entire family? "If Mom and Dad/ Grandma and Grandpa chose suicide, well I guess that's an ok decision." I feel this will make my own children vulnerable.
Thank you again for your prayers Snodderly. They are most needed and welcomed.
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
It looks like MIL is going to try surgery. Thank heavens. Its scheduled for Monday. H says he's called off for Mon & Tue (fingers crossed that he doesn't end up losing his job!! Of course, he will be losing pay )
I have had very few very short texts from him. I am attributing this to stress over his mom - there is a definite difference in "tone".
S161's relay team came in 11th out of 16 - top 9 qualify. But they were seeded as 16th, so they did better than expected. And they are 3 juniors, 1 sophomore, so they can hopefully come back next year stronger and faster.
S162 responded "I've been busy" and "Its OK" to my text queries about his time in FL. SMH, its kind of like talking to H. Lol.
It was kind of hard to go to the state qualifier alone. To see all these families making a big day of it, tailgating and such. But not MizJay... a 2 hour drive alone (well 2+ thanks to an indecisive train and a joy riding tractor) find a parking spot, power walk into the stadium (convinced I had missed the event thanks to the stupid train/tractor ~ not to mention me getting a wee bit lost) amazingly locate S! who requests a t-shirt, more race-walk to t-shirt stand, more race-walk to stadium seat, watch race while attempting to maintain composure and not hyperventilate or break into tears, hand t-shirt to S, race-walk back to car and drive 2+ hours to get in an hour of work. I texted H the race results (as he had requested) and a couple hours later he responded with "tell him I'm proud of him."
Sometimes I just want to throw that phone out the window... or better yet at H's head.
Seriously though, I was going to start backing off on the text thing - taking longer to answer, not answering each and every text, but then he has the mother issue. And I don't feel right doing the dimming atm, I feel like I should be available to him, should be supportive. (Of course, I feel he should be doing the same thing, at least to the kids if not me...)
Ugh. Feeling yucky and grumpy. Oh well. If by chance the sun comes up tomorrow... perhaps it will be a better day. And at least I have it off - had reserved it in case S161 made it to the state finals tomorrow. So yep, tomorrow will be a better day.
~Peace~
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
This is hard stuff, mizjjd. You're a strong lady to be at the helm of such a ship as your family.
I love reading your posts. I found the account of getting to and from the meet very entertaining. And you're in good shape to do the fast-walking!
Let us know the developing sitch with your in-laws. It's all so very sad. I'm so glad your kids have you.
Hugs, rH
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
You've had a couple of rough days of ups and downs MizJay. Congratulations that you'll no longer be on early morning taxi duty. And to S16 for doing so well in the states! They're going to be contenders next year! How did he do personally?
But your poor H. He's already shakey enough without his folks discussing mutual suicide with lhim. I had a friend who killed himself many years ago. The devastation to his family was horrific. Such guilt and anguish. I'm glad your MIL decided to try surgery. I'll pray for her too.
What did you decide about pushing yourself out of your comfort zone? A book club sounds interesting. What book are you reading? And so does volunteering at the food bank. Maybe the boys might like to get involved also.
You're a good woman to be so supportive of your H while his mom's so sick MizJay. Someday he will appreciate it. Have a great day off tomorrow.
) have a nice dinner. How is your other son faring down in Florida?
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