Checking in: Grandmother, dads side passed late Saturday evening, grandfather, moms side early Sunday morning. Both were 89.
I was fortunate to have all four grandparents survive well into my adulthood. Now all are gone.
My only contact with W has been to tell her of the deaths, then to tell her about arrangements for grandfather. Grandmothers are in limbo as her ashes will be placed in Arlington national cemetery and there is a backlog for months.
I'm hoping w will come to funeral. Think she might because she asked me about details. I'm hoping I'm not expecting her to be there. I want to be truly detached.
I don't really think have the energy to be "attached".
This is the kind of thing I have been dreading going through without my W. major life events alone...I don't look forward to.
Overall however, my attitude is improving. I am improving my attitude. My sitch slaps me in the face several times a day, and I get angry, sad, or scared, but for less time, maybe less often, and less intense.
Don't know if I'm burying it or truly healing. Time will tell, I guess.
Between the reading, counseling, etc. I feel like I'm relearning how to manage myself. I feel a cynicism sometimes that I don't like, so I have to force it out.
The most important choice I make every day is my attitude. That's from a Swindoll talk I found on you tube. Seemingly elementary but I envision this as almost like learning to walk again after a severe injury.
I'm still not truly GAL, but I'm starting to want to. Starting to connect socially more...a kid at work came to me for advice on a crush she has on a co-worker...despite the irony of being asked for relationship advice, it was the first time I've felt helpful to another person in many months. It felt good.
My guitar is here. If I kick this slight headache tonight I'm going to play it. Loud. I'm speaking at grandpas funeral. It was hinted that I sing one of his favorite songs, and I'd love to....but that's way harder than speaking when emotional...don't think I will, but I'm going to practice for it anyway.
Back to DBing, I guess while I'm working on me I just be ready to show W the new me when the opportunities arise.
Me 46 W 43 S 21 D 18 S 17 M 22 yrs Discovered OM 9/10/12 W moved to sister's 9/15/12 W moved to OM 9/27/12 Tried to DB until 7/13 W filed 10/7/13. Did not serve. I counter filed 12/2/13.
