How to proceed with angry, almost-walkaway H?

[maji]

Thanks very much, Kaffe Diem, for taking time to respond in such a detailed way. I really appreciate your support.

I managed to talk to him last week about how his angry outbursts were hurting me, and I calmly requested that he shows me more respect. Oddly enough, he took it well, and there hasn't been a single angry episode since then. It was as if the angry monster left him... I can't figure it out... but I ain't complaining! If it happens again, I'll take your advice and remove myself from the room.

We just came back from a three-week trip, during which I discovered (on his work computer) emails between him and the OW. They never did stop contacting each other, so by now it's become a full blown EA. No wonder he grew more and more distant and cold in the last month. I'm still in pieces... and needing advice on what to do about this. Will write more soon.

It's interesting that you brought up MLC... At times, I too wondered if that a possibility. H got promoted to Deputy Head recently but was utterly unhappy about it -- he thinks he deserves to be Head, not just deputy... it somehow makes him feel "not good enough". (similar to how he feels "not good enough" in our M.) He's also paying more attention to his appearance (he was a shave once a week guy before). Hmm.. I'll go read up on some MLC resources.

I'm trying my best to give H "space" and avoid putting pressure on him (working on GAL).
My C thinks he wants to "grow up"… She suggests that I let him have one night off every week to do whatever he wants (without telling me). I don't know… he'll probably talk to OW the whole night.