round and around we go

[Tallula]

part of my deal is I keep thinking my H is better than all of this, but his story reads the same!
How is it they behave in ways that we would never imagine behaving???
It is not ok. That is what I feel so strongly about and am having such a hard time coming to terms with!!

I get it!!!

My H has lived a double life our whole marriage. So, I focused on me. I was unorganized too. Now, my house runs in tip top shape. I have a 2 and 4 year old and a baby on the way in 10 weeks, so I needed to do this FOR ME! I started counciling, DBing and for me, ala-non. I started detaching in December and went NC in march/april except for kids. My H was crazy and all over the place. I redecorated my house, started painting and drawing again. Rediscovered things I about me I let slowly slip away since becoming a mom.

Now that H wants back in, I don't know that I want him back. But, I'm willing to see.

You need to take the focus off him. His crazy, his (in your view) poor decisions. Put the focus on you. Will you be mad..yes. You can vent, but focus on you. You will survive and thrive without your H. I worked really hard to not take my H's behavior personally. My reactions to him were calm. Did I want to bash in his head, yep. But if he did something that invoked a strong emotional reaction in me, I waited to react. Calmed down. Did I pick a bad H? Maybe. But here I am. Is your H better than this? Maybe, maybe not. But YOU are.