A Feral Cat, Puzzling 2

[RosaLinda]

Thanks for your honesty about the resentment you sometimes feel, T, and your fear that your W is just going to keep using you, letting you support her, while she gets into better emotional shape until she feels ready to bolt. I have sort of the same fear sometimes, that my H just wants to live here together in the house, with me supporting him, until he feels well enough (from eating his oatmeal I guess since he stopped his antibiotics) to get a job, and THEN he will leave and get a place for RT and himself.

And strangely, I feel resentment that I have CHOSEN to validate and support him even at his nastiest and craziest, and have CHOSEN, like you, to provide him with the same safe place you strive to give to your W -- "a safe, compassionate place and resources to help her find her way through this, regardless of the outcome." That is a terrific statement, and is exactly what I am trying to do for him. But I still feel sullen, angry and resentful sometimes. And wish I could be the beloved one for a change. Childish, but true

Thanks for copying that quotation about acceptance. Do you think that is where your W is now? It sounds as if she might be, or maybe still a bit withdrawn. Even if she isn't in acceptance yet, you are doing fabulously to prepare to give her that supportive silence she'll need. You are truly a wonderful role model, thank you.

It seemed to me that my H had gone into the stage of acceptance during his 5 month period of sanity, prior to this latest A. Maybe he was, and something I did or said spooked him back into the tunnel, as far back as replay. Maybe he never completely left replay. But thanks for sharing that.