I think you might be coming from a "learned behaviour" position on some stuff. Maybe not.
I would agree with 25 regarding not initiating convo. Certainly, go as dim as possible. You can't really go dark, but do not initiate convo. Be as concise with responses as possible. IF she engages you in light convo, then be more animated and forthcoming, but always let her lead and also be the first to leave the convo because you have some GAL activities to get to.
Those activities should be real, but maintain as much privacy boundaries around those things as possible.
On your items:
1. Unfortunately, your W may not go to counselling for co-parenting. I don't want to think that you would be more interested in building a good R through counselling, rather than learning how to parallel parent. Co-parenting can come later, if ever or never. Why do you need to co-parent?
2. Yes, make the best out of the time you have with the kids and don't you dare think about coaching the kids so that you can set practices on the days your W has the kids. What's that about? (this is possible learned behaviour from you. Can you think back to a time when you've seen this behaviour in others?)
3. Yes, again make the best of the time you have with the kids. Do you understand that you may not get 50/50 custody and that there is a possibility that you will have to sacrafice certain holidays or special days (like b-days) with your kids? How would you deal with those possibilities?
