A Feral Cat, Puzzling 2

[TSquared2]

Hi Linda,

Those fluctuations have pretty much settled down for me, but they DO still crop up. As in today, I had this bout of resentment just pop up out of no where seemingly. Could not figure out why...

-W thought of me and got me bike shorts
-W talked to me a bit last night about her work.
-W told me of the IC and possible MC she is thinking of seeing...

So where did it come from, those all seem positive, right?

Well, a sitch at work with a customer who tends to take advantage of the business relationship triggered my paranoia of being used, plus W didn't acknowledge me this morning when I left for work (now, she was busy with the boys, so understandable but she "could have" looked up or said "bye", but I let that bug me that she didn't today for some reason...)...my internal fear is, that W is going to IC and being nice, sll to keep using my resources until she is ready to bolt, and that the IC is so she will be "fixed" for OMs, current or future.

Now is that fear valid? Maybe, maybe not.

maybe I have developed a distrust through this, understandably maybe. The "old" W wouldn't do such a thing, the mlc W might.

But whose issue is this then? W's, or mine? Mine.

As KD has pointed out, we do have a choice in how we interpret things...

I could look at this as W "using me", feeding my fears...
or,
As providing a safe, compassionate place and resources to help her find her way through this, regardless of the outcome.

I know what kind of person I want to be, and am trying to become, so I know how I want to look at it...but the old trust and ego demons are still there...tempting me to look at it the other way...

So I have been reviewing some posts and such, looking at the stages to help remind me, and keep me on track.

Now during stage TWO of Acceptance, will come the temptations to want to go back to what they came out of. The silence of the spouse is most important during this time-all you can do is be understanding and patient with them as this MUST happen and they MUST come through alone.
They will SEEM to be going backward, but aren't, this is necessary for them to move forward.
It is during this time they will "revisit" ALL stages of the Mid Life Crisis except Denial and shuts the "doors" to each stage PERMANENTLY one by one, never to return.
If they give in to temptation OR get spooked by their final fears, they WILL run BACK into the tunnel a little ways. But they can only run back as far as the doors have NOT been closed permanently; most of the time they just run back as far as WITHDRAWAL, but will continue the process to come out once they feel "safe" to continue. So, they must be allowed to come through WITHOUT interruption, no matter what happens.

Stage THREE involves the "archway" I spoke of in the Stage of Withdrawal-all this time the Mid Lifer has been coming across this open field toward this Archway, where his "final fears" are located and he finally begins to face these fears in full-he may come out of the tunnel and face them BEFORE he/she shuts the door to Depression/Withdrawal or afterwards. But he will have to face them, nevertheless, before he exits to begin his complete healing process.

It takes awhile for the Mid Lifer to get settled down, even after he/she comes out of stage three of the Acceptance stage-they will experience a final "rebelling" before they settle down for good.

It is much like a teen-ager who has passed into manhood/womanhood-there are still final changes that must be made, especially for the one who has done so much damage during the crisis itself.

I guess I just journaled myself...lol. Anyway, hope that answers you somewhat Linda...
T^2