Sooooo..... I haven't written on my thread in a while. I realized that I had been rude to some of the wonderful people who responded to my thread. I have an argumentative nature to begin with. I also began to realize how arrogant and conceited I am. Lucky me! I apologize to anyone I may have offended.
I love reading other people's stories on this forum because I see alot of myself in many of them. Thank you for sharing.
I've made progress in the last month or so. I've been doing 180s. I'm starting to feel good about myself. One effect of 180s is to remove some of the reasons that my W was angry at me. As one of my friends put it, "I am sawing the legs off of the table of excuses." Also, I am acting like a friend. "I am here to help (no pressure), just let me know." I also asked W to join me in some activities like garage sale-ing with kids.
My W has been putting in alot of effort also. Before she would only talk about the kids or finances. Now she talks about her day and plans for the future (putting in a pool at the house, summer vacations, etc.). Also, she has been inviting me to do things during free time (nights and weekends) like walking, going to birthday parties, and gardening. Everything has been focused on doing things as a family though. No dating/"just us" time yet. No personal affection (i.e. touching).
The way I've been thinking about my situation and actions has changed over the last few weeks. I'm beginning to understand the implications of the commitments I've made. I promised to love my wife no matter what. To me, this means that I will support my wife in her search for fulfillment and happiness in her life even if I do not feel loved or supported by her. I am trying to live like love is an act I perform and not just a feeling I am having.
