She said she tried and waited and suffered and hoped and prayed and held onto "us" until she just couldn't anymore. And then when she finally had nothing left and let go, she couldn't get it back.
It's what I said before. I'm afraid if I move forward I won't be able to come back, and I don't know if I'm okay with that.
I don't know if this is a sign or a test.
Maybe it is both, a sign AND a test.
That's a pretty script feeling that most WASs feel. They feel as though they carried the load for years, and when they couldn't anymore, they set it down only to have the LBS try and pick it up.
That is the reason for the anger , resentment, and such. Most of what she describes is similar to what you may be feeling today, that you did everything that you could, and it just "didn't work out".
And the "just a piece of paper" statement is kinda correct, although until a person has held that "just a piece of paper" in their hands, it surely isn't that in the beginning.
It depends on how you view it, and how you process those emotions that will make the difference for you. Your perspective of what it actually means, and how you choose to move forward from it.
It doesn't change your heart and mind, only your marital status.
It doesn't change your morals, or your conviction, nor who you really are inside. It only changes a box that you check occasionally.....if you work through it...
And that is the perspective you will ALWAYS have, if you truly love her. You will always honor your vows, because your vows are for you, to use within the marriage, yet they are always gonna be with you. You will always love her, you will always cherish the memories that you have, and you will honor her choice to end the "legal" side of the marriage.
That is for you...
The "just a piece of paper" doesn't mean that YOU choose to end those things, and you don't magically become detached, or the pain doesn't end just because you are holing that paper. The "legal" and "emotional" side of a Divorce are entirely different.
PM, try and feel all of that, and process it, and let those emotions wash over you and continue to fight for you. You deserve your best shot.
