What are you getting/looking for in dates - Part 2

[Underdog]

I am completely with you, Ellie.

I also have financial reasons for avoiding the marital connection, and high five to you that we have this one in common. I like the idea of being someone's main squeeze and maintaining separate residences.

But the main reason is that our court order stipulates that we both provide a minimum of $500K in assets to the special needs trust (combination of retirement savings, real estate, insurance, etc.). Mr. W. and I are each other's beneficiary, and that will remain in effect for 2 more years. In the near future (when D16 turns 18 and we establish legal guardianship through the courts), we'll both change our beneficiaries to the special needs trust.

So if any guy comes into a marriage with me, he's going to have to accept that reality. I don't expect him to be happy about that, but it's what we need to do to care for our future adult disabled child. Plus I'm going to inherit from my former boss (who has liver cancer) as well. It's all going toward the cause so that D19 isn't stuck with any financial liabilities caring for her sister after we die. Our goal for her (and she is fully aware of this) is for her to be able to make decisions without having to compromise her own lifestyle to do what is best for D16.

I never did get alimony, but have friends in California who remained single until that last penny dried up. And for the record, all of you earned those pennies.

Maybe we have a bit of baggage, along with some knee jerk feminism, but I don't give a sh!t. I have a kid whose life I don't want to turn over to the system - so her dad and I are both the funding source to make that happen. I thank God every day that she has Mr. Money Bags as a dad. He's generous and does the right thing.

For the record, I don't think his former GF liked our arrangement at all. Rumor has it that he told her too bad. He'll get the same attitude from me.

Good luck with your guy if he presses that issue. Hopefully, he understands that you need the income. Especially with your XH getting remarried and undoubtedly de-prioritizing his own familial obligations and concerns?

Betsey