Riding the storm out, or at least trying to!

[Raine]

Following along with you T. I think it's gotta happen before the end, and compounding it with the guilt of missing out on his family visit will only help. He needs to spend a lot of time with her all at once with no escape. And the whole time he is going to be thinking about you and your boys. He's gotta have a mountain full of regrets. Jim Conway said, "it is my experience that people are only ready to disengage from an affair if the dissatisfaction level rises high enough that the couple feels there is greater stress and less satisfaction than what they had hoped for."

Thinking of you and your Viking prowess. Hang in there! Make sure to do your daily dose of c words and middle fingers when no one is looking.

[RosaLinda]

[Takevowsserious]

You guys are good to me

Ha ha Raine, you better believe the finger was out and in full effect Monday night! Not to mention all the f, c, b, w bombs I was dropping in private!

Although this hurts, I can see how this needs to happen for many reasons. They will both be getting what they want, and I have a feeling it will not turn out how they think.

Now realistically, I know they will have some fun at the beach. Of course.

BUT... I feel like this trip may be an attempt at CPR for a dying A. They are breaking out everything, including the beach vacation defibrillator to try to save it.

Whether its sooner or later though, it is going to die. I don't think it will be pretty either...

Linda, you had said something about me sending him pictures. I have thought about this. I will send him a few pictures IF he bothers to ask me to. Otherwise, I feel like it could be seen as pursuit or an attempt to make him feel guilty. I'm not going there.

But I don't want to be a big b!tch either, and "punish" him by refusing to send him pics if he asks. So either way, I know what I'm going to do.

Thank you for your story, UW. I think that while many facets of their personalities change during this time, there are some things that don't.

He still HATES anything that makes him itchy. His itchiness is a constant source of misery for him. So picturing him all sweaty and covered in sand - interesting.

I still don't know what the real story is with the trip - who knows, he may be golfing for a day or two with the guys - but not five. Plus, they are missing golf league with the additional day on Monday, so that wouldn't make much sense. A golf league when most of the guys are away golfing???

There are so many things about her that are eventually going to be too much for him. I think they have both attempted to pretzel themselves into something they're not in an attempt to please the other.

But you can't do that long term. It's impossible. Both of their issues are going to come out.

Anyway....

I know you will appreciate this ~

So yesterday, he was supposed to go out with his brother after work. I asked my parents to watch boys for a few hours while I finished shopping for S2's birthday (which is Friday). I was surprised to come home and find H here.

He said his neck was hurting and he was tired, so he decided to come home. Or maybe twinkle twat had to cancel lol!

When my parents dropped the boys off, my mom made sure to mention, in front of H, that if we decided to go out for our anniversary on Saturday, that they would be more than happy to babysit.

Ummm... Awkward!!!!

Now if I was angry and wanted to smash H's clubs with a hammer, my mom has more of a temper where she would use a sledgehammer, then a jack hammer, then maybe even a blow torch!

My parents don't know about the beach trip yet. Oh boy.

Well, back to work for this Viking.

[RosaLinda]

Aw TVS, I don't really think it would be a good idea for you to send photos to your H either, I just thought it would be a good way to annoy Twinkle! Can't you just see her face when H shows them to her! And can't you just see him, all covered in sand and itchy. But you're right, he might see it as pursuit. Not a good idea.

This must be so hard for you. I hope they both have a perfectly horrible time. This won't be the happy vacation they've hoped for, I betcha. You're right -- it will not turn out how they think, will not meet their expectations.

That was an interesting Jim Conway quotation that Raine posted (hi Raine, nice to meet you!) that it is his experience that "people are only ready to disengage from an affair if the dissatisfaction level rises high enough that the couple feels there is greater stress and less satisfaction than what they had hoped for."

This trip surely might be the tipping point for them. I wonder what how people in an EA disengage though. Thinking of my H and his RT, how can two people 3,000 miles apart get greater stress/less satisfaction than they hoped?

[reachingHigher]

When my parents dropped the boys off, my mom made sure to mention, in front of H, that if we decided to go out for our anniversary on Saturday, that they would be more than happy to babysit.

Ummm... Awkward!!!!

Love your mom ^ ^ ^ ^ !!! haha!

The pics thing is so touchy. I used to send my H a lot of pics of the boys when he was out of the house and then it used to annoy me that I did it b/c he could feel connected without actually being connected.

So...I wouldn't send your H any unless he asks. Just think of the pleasure you will have knowing he is texting YOU asking for pics right in front of HER!! Lol!

But then again, what if he doesn't ask. You have to deal with that too.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

So...you had S2 the day before your anniversary? What was that like back then? Just three years ago. Was H totally connected with you then or did you have any feeling he was pulling away then?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Tvs, you know I always treasure your comments on my thread
Thank you ever so much.

[Takevowsserious]

Hi Linda ~

This is hard. But I know I haven't reached my limit - yet. The fallout from the trip should be interesting, I feel like it could go either way. I'm trying to do my best to prepare myself if it does bring them closer. If he wants to be with her, then so be it.

But he doesn't get me. And trust me, that is definitely HIS loss.

I did love the quote Raine posted, and I hope and pray this is where things are headed. But no guarantees, right?

Working on that whole "letting go" thing. Get it in theory, putting it to practice is much tougher.

Wish I had some advice for you and your H's long distance ho. The circumstances these guys get themselves into!

Hey rH ~

My mom is quite the character! It is a miracle that she has held her tongue this whole time. Of course she doesn't know about the A, or all the $ he spent. THAT would be bad...

I feel like the pics could go either way, him asking or not. He's the one missing out, so to be honest, either way is fine with me!

S2 was a planned c-section. I had a very tough time with S5, and had to do a last minute c-section because he was stuck in my pelvis. Fun!

In retrospect, I can now see there were very small changes in H starting to happen. Things that you may not notice unless you were looking for them...

How I wish I could go back in time to when each of the boys were born though - truly happy, happy memories

You know your support means the world to me - will be making my way over to your thread soon

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Same old, same old here. H not in a great mood when he came home from work. He cut grass as I made dinner. When he was done, I asked him if he was hungry. He says, "not really, but I'm making myself eat. My appetite hasn't been up to par lately."

I think leading a double life can do that to you.

Went to yoga, it was good. Fair amount of texting from H tonight. Asked me to rub lotion on his back because it was dry/itchy - go figure? Wonder if he cleared that with twinkle twat??? Lol!

Good night

[Raine]

Hiya Linda!

TVS, no way Ms. TT has any idea. My H says he does not talk about me or our R with anyone. (Either he would have to lie, or tell them how great I am and leave them confused. Hah!) I asked him what he tells them about me, and he said nothing. I said, then why are they okay to be with you? And he just said he told them because we are done. I said, and that's enough for them? They're okay to be with a guy who is still married? He looked so surprised. Oh these stupid, silly boys.

My opinion based on this is his interactions with you are an off limit topic, for sure nothing spoken about times when there was anything positive going on. It's so confusing that OW would be so accepting and unquestioning. I guess that's why their with a married man right? If they were anything special, they would never settle for that.

Sounds like your mom and my mom are in the same boat. That sounds exactly like something my mom would say too. My mom knows only the obvious, plus been there for me on hard days, and that is enough to make her want to slap him silly. So does his own mom actually. I can only imagine how bruised and battered he would be if I wasn't protecting him. Your husband is pretty lucky he doesn't have the world coming down on him either. Hopefully one day he will realize that took a lot of strength and love on your part to look out for him during this time of his life.

If all it takes is for H & TT to spend enough time together to realize they don't want to spend anymore time with each other, much less a lifetime, don't you just want to lock them in a room and get it over with? That's what you told me. Push them together. I don't think it matters much with my H. They're all disposable, and he'll just keep picking up a new toy until the fog is over. But with your H, seems like that's all it would take for him to wake up and realize the greatest thing in his life, the best thing he is ever going to have, has been right in front of him the whole time.

Every time I read your thread I think, I NEED TO DO YOGA! I have some DVDs. It's going to happen.

[RosaLinda]

"Asked me to rub lotion on his back because it was dry/itchy - go figure? Wonder if he cleared that with twinkle twat??? Lol!"

I agree with Raine, TVS, there is no way Twinkle, or any of our H's OW, truly comprehend what it means that we still live in the same house with our Hs. It must kill the OW that our cheating Hs just aren't committed enough to them to leave us. For whatever reason. What can these OW be thinking?

Raine, my H's OW is a Russian Tramp who flew to NY from Moscow to spend 2 weeks with him. When he told me "his friend" was coming, I told him she was welcome to stay at our house. Isn't that what a "friend" would do? He said she had no desire to meet me (I bet!) because he had told her how horrible I am. I wonder how he justifies living with someone who is so horrible to her. Or your H's OW. Being married but "done" is enough for her?

I think it must be worse for you TVS, as you and Twinkle used to actually be friends. But maybe better for you in a way, as you know just how crazy Twinkle actually is, and can anticipate how much she will get on his nerves. Five days together with her will most likely turn out to be three days too many. 

You're right to prepare yourself for fallout! Could get ugly!

"Working on that whole "letting go" thing. Get it in theory, putting it to practice is much tougher."

Me too. I get the theory of letting go, detaching, GAL, 180s. Working on our own happiness, becoming better people. The theory that if and when we ever get back together, we'll both be different people, and it will be a new R. But in reality, I just want my old H back. 

[mizjjd]

My H talks about me to his OW often you know, so he can tell her how much he's not in love with me anymore. Back when I was still pursuing, and sending him heartfelt emails, HE FORWARDED THEM TO HER!!! She would respond, "great" person that she is, "Gee, mizjay sounds like such a wonderful person, I just wonder why you don't love her anymore."

Needless to say, I don't email H anymore. Although, actually, the last 2 times I did, I cc'ed OW

I'll be thinking of you this weekend TVS, sending good vibes your way. My H has a four day weekend which he is spending at the casino instead of attending S16's State track meet event. I never know if the casino includes a visit from OW, who lives about 3 hours from there. I just assume that it does.

Peace

[reachingHigher]

I get the .... theory that if and when we ever get back together, we'll both be different people, and it will be a new R. But in reality, I just want my old H back. 

Me too. Me too.