Not confused...looking inward

[BRNR]

Portia -

Now YOU choose how you will react to him. He may have chosen to leave, the idiot, but now you have control over you. I know sometimes that isn't always comforting but in moments when we need our strength the most, it will mean a lot.

Yes, this does mean a lot. And yes, I will make choices based on me in the future and not what it may or may not do for the sitch.

MLC or not, they will always have to live with their choices. I would not want that on my head. To leave my family and take on an OW and her kid? Nope.

It concerns me that he has gone this far for me with OW. I do think it is real...and will probably be one of those relationships that might survive...(What is the 1% that do)...I guess I just can't see H making the same mistake twice and leaving a family, so once things settle on his end, I think this is and will be his future. Acceptance maybe on my part.

GolfMom -

I don't think he wants to push you too far away. You have been his family for a long time. OW is just someone he's trying out. MLCers do this.

Interesting GM - I did not know this. I am stuck on this idea of this being a true and real love for him, so the idea he is just trying it out hasn't crossed my mind as I said above...I think it is what it will be. While looking inward, I think this is my line that I have to give up on the marriage...I guess the thought that he would have to "leave" a family to go back to his original is not something I could see or would want him to do . Call me silly, but that is where I am and to know he would have to do this with OW and OWD to get back with us, I don't know that I could live with that...still trying to get some answers for me on that one.

I agree with snodderly about pausing before you respond. You are less likely to regret what's said. Your response was genuine, kind and loving. I'm guessing that you feel better about your communication today then you did on Sunday. Keep your heart open and your head out of it. In other words, silence your ego. It's so hard to do, especially when we think we're being taken advantage of. Truly, you won't be. Continue to show your H how you expect to be treated by keeping boundaries in place. Speak firmly when you need to, but always with kindness and honesty. If you do this I believe your H will see the real you instead of focusing on any negative events. It can be so hard, especially when your heart aches. I'm still learning this too. I just know that practicing what I've said above just feels better. I hope you experience the same.

Yes I did feel good about my response to H yesterday, and feel it countered the previous negative feelings. I am working on it, and do feel that my knee jerk reactions and my responses to H are getting better, but always can be improved.

Bright Future

This is exactly how I feel. My H is very stubborn and if decides on something, he sticks with his decision most of the time. However, there were cases in the past when he changed his mind. So, I’m still here.

Yeah, but there were not cases where my H changed his mind...my H has always made fast and firm decisions...and they have always worked for him. I feel this time is no different...what concerns me more is the decisions he doesn't make fast and firm...seems like a 180 for him, and while 180's are good for us LBS's, how is it looked when the MLC'er does a 180?

I don't know...today has been a day of acceptance and really looking inward...analyzing me and not H or sitch. Hence why I missed the positive yesterday...but I need more than one small positive to turn around, so going forward and trying not looking back, it is hard, so the progress will likely be very slow.

Back to work I go today.