TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
I visited my MIL yesterday, today is her 87th birthday and I knew I wouldn't be able to see her today.
She still lives alone but does have memory issues, tells the same stories, forgets recent events but she can carry on a pretty good conversation unless pressed for facts or dates. She has a "man friend" who lives just a few doors from her, he was out of town so I didn't get to meet him. She's a bit of a giddy school girl and I am so happy for her. She kept telling me how well he took care of her, with a grin and a gleam in her eye.
She was the caretaker and waited on FIL hand and foot, the quintessential 60s mom.
When we visit there is always the elephant in the room and eventually it gets called out. She said to me, "I'm so sorry you two couldn't work things out." I agreed and said yes it took 2 of us to break it. Then she went on to say how she and FIL never argued, quarreled, or even said a cross word to each other, he always took such good care of her and she was just so happy.
I looked at her and said "yes, you were very lucky but how did you never get mad at him? I don't know of any R where there isn't some anger." Her answer, "We just didn't."
I've always known this and she brings is up every time I see her. Explains my H's conflict avoidance. But what she doesn't say is FIL treated her like a child, she made no decisions, she had no say in the big stuff, she could do anything she wanted as long as she had 3 meals on the table and the house was clean. FIL never did an iota of "housework", he came home from work and put his feet up, with the newspaper in front of his face. She would bring him a snack in the evening and he would leave the plate sitting by his chair even if he walked right through the kitchen.
I believe she was happy and felt well provided for but I have never seen her look as happy as when she was telling me about "new guy" going out and getting her ant spray because she had some ants in her kitchen. The ants would have completely hers to deal with when FIL was alive. I think now she feels cared for.
Just some rambling about the lives we live.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
I'm loving myself more these days and that's a good thing
yes it is, bug, yes it is. your journey is so inspiring. i am struck by how counterintuitive life is... you have to have compassion for yourself before you can have it for others, you have to learn to let go of so much in order to really learn how to grasp on to each moment and live fully...
thank you for continuing to encourage me to go deeper..
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
Do you ever have the feeling old self is battling with new self? Painful.
All the time. It's devastating, but I think the 3rd self that emerges from that fight is going to be pretty awesome -- more stable than me, more hopeful than new me, and probably with a better fashion sense. :P
Me: 30 H: 29 M: 2 yrs T: 5 years BD: 12/14/12 Divorce talk begins 1/6/13 I filed: 5/20/13 -- no contact since
Sometimes you feel like you want to travel back in time and speak to your 20-year old self and sit down with her...and say, "Why are you in such a hurry?" or "Please, please be more kinder to people!" Heh?
Do you ever have the feeling old self is battling with new self? Painful.
labug,
How are you doing? What are you up to?
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
