I did text him today to wish him luck with his move and to let him know he needs to remove me from his cable account because they've been calling me about his getting cable in his new apt. He didn't respond.
Me: 30 H: 29 M: 2 yrs T: 5 years BD: 12/14/12 Divorce talk begins 1/6/13 I filed: 5/20/13 -- no contact since
An expression of human compassion for him would not be cake eating or fix-it, in my book. I would imagine the prospect of an extended hospital stay, for which he reached out to you, would justify a response back, like, let me know if I can help, or good luck, or I hope it goes well, or something you think is not too over the top.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
I spoke with him today for a few minutes -- he called me to ask about when he'd be getting served (tbqh I don't know -- I've been letting my lawyer handle all that) and after we talked about that, I asked him how he was. He was initially really surprised, but then relaxed and talked for maybe 10 minutes about how he's afraid for his job, and is in the process of moving to a cheaper apartment in anticipation of both that and the difficulties he'll be facing with treatment. He's really scared, and, I think, lonely.
I'm squishing all my hopefulness about "us" into a ball and filing it away somewhere, because he didn't ask about me at all (he stopped doing that back in Nov.) and because he specifically was calling about the filing process. I do think he was reaching out, and is feeling some regrets/nostalgia, but I don't think he wants to get back together or anything. I know that's in part because we weren't always good together (we were both really angry and resentful of each other for large chunks of last year), but it is what it is.
I'm going to call him tomorrow after getting an update from my lawyer, and, if I feel up to it, I'll see if he wants to talk more.
Me: 30 H: 29 M: 2 yrs T: 5 years BD: 12/14/12 Divorce talk begins 1/6/13 I filed: 5/20/13 -- no contact since
Wow...sorry about your situation.You are dealing with A LOT!
I just wonder if you really want a divorce or if you are just searching for some way to solve all the turmoil you are going through.
I definitely think your H needs some help for his mental issue but I know well that they first have to accept that there is a problem and then want to get the help.
I would recommend continuing to GAL and pursue your schooling. It really does help feel better about yourself.
Oh, I'm pretty sure I don't want a divorce. I filed because he kept saying he wanted me to, and this way I have more input on the timeline and process, instead of if he filed. Part of me felt like the reason that he was pushing for it so hard is that 3 months ago (when he first started saying he wanted one), he was on the brink of a fantastic new job, in the best shape of his life, etc etc. Like, I feel like he thought he could "trade up", so to speak. I pleaded with him to try MC, individual counseling, anything, but he was really determined to get a divorce.
Now that I know about this illness, I'm less certain of that initial interpretation.
Me: 30 H: 29 M: 2 yrs T: 5 years BD: 12/14/12 Divorce talk begins 1/6/13 I filed: 5/20/13 -- no contact since
Also, I don't know if NOT getting a divorce is an option -- when he's occasionally expressed nostalgia or whatever, it's normally in the context of a larger conversation about questions he has about the process. He seems pretty sincere in his desire for one.
Me: 30 H: 29 M: 2 yrs T: 5 years BD: 12/14/12 Divorce talk begins 1/6/13 I filed: 5/20/13 -- no contact since
Oh, I'm pretty sure I don't want a divorce. I filed because he kept saying he wanted me to, and this way I have more input on the timeline and process, instead of if he filed. Part of me felt like the reason that he was pushing for it so hard is that 3 months ago (when he first started saying he wanted one), he was on the brink of a fantastic new job, in the best shape of his life, etc etc. Like, I feel like he thought he could "trade up", so to speak. I pleaded with him to try MC, individual counseling, anything, but he was really determined to get a divorce.
Now that I know about this illness, I'm less certain of that initial interpretation.
Originally Posted By: Dubious Hills
Also, I don't know if NOT getting a divorce is an option -- when he's occasionally expressed nostalgia or whatever, it's normally in the context of a larger conversation about questions he has about the process. He seems pretty sincere in his desire for one.
Originally Posted By: Dubious Hills
Except, y'know, when he's not.
I would look deep at why you are filing, looking at your words, it just doesn't seem to match up with filing. Just my view...
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
