Any hope???

[Emilys88]

i wanted to, i would wish anyone in my life happy birthday. i was worried that he could have taken it's meaning the wrong way but i just kept it short n' sweet and left it at that.

[jp787]

Then I think you did perfect.

How are you today?

[Emilys88]

i feel like i took a few steps back over the weekend, with it being memorial day and then his birthday. i was doing well on detaching but im back to sad and missing him again.

this weekend my friend i havent seen in almost three years is coming to town so im trying to focus on that and how much fun we are going to have.

i also have appointments next week to get info on tuition assistance for college and hopefully help with getting a job.

[jp787]

It certainly is a roller coaster, get used to that. You will have daily, hourly ups and downs.

Friend, college and job that is great, put all of your energy there!

[Emilys88]

heard that H's sister was going down to get things from the house so i texted him to nicely remind him that none of my things can be removed untill we agree on things:

Emily: I've been told that ** H's sister ** will be coming down to get things from the house, i just want to remind you other then the table nothing of mine can be removed from the house until we have distributed everything together.

H: Ok and when is that going to be?

E: Supposedly you would deliver my things to me, from what your mother told us

H: That was the plan but if I can't remove things that are yours from the house like you just said I can't bring them up too you

E: **H's sister** can't just take whatever you deem that i don't want

H: Ok do you still not want the shrunk?

E: No i dont

H: ok

just felt like he was baiting me to argue with him, im proud of myself for side stepping it and just telling him that i dont want him to just give her whatever he wants.

[jp787]

H: Ok and when is that going to be?

E: Supposedly you would deliver my things to me, from what your mother told us

Looks like you didn't respond to his question...

[Emilys88]

H: Ok and when is that going to be?

E: Supposedly you would deliver my things to me, from what your mother told us

Looks like you didn't respond to his question...

I guess I thought that was answering him, I had to surrender my keys to him and his mother. I asked to meet with him to go over everything but he refused to be in the same room as me or my family.

[Emilys88]

Had a fantastic weekend!!

Got all the appointments tomorrow and now I'm in contact to get involved in my local roller derby team! Soooo excited for that!!
Planning on getting some more ink done this summer to represent my new independence and personal growth. I have a looooong way to go in that aspect but the girl I was six months ago is long gone and I'm getting stronger every day.

I'm finally getting it, I don't have to close the door on my relationship but I need to move forward for myself and if he ever comes around I can decide then and there to close that door forever or not and see were it leads me.

I know I'll still have my down days and I'll need to come and vent but I just feel like this weekend I really had a eye opening experience, I liked who I was and this new life that's in front of me.

[~ kd ~]

Sounds like you are moving in a good direction. Awesome with the roller derby!

That ink will be fairly permanent. I like the idea about personal growth, although regarding independence... Now understand that I'm not against tattoos, but I do understand that people often put certain meanings to such things. If your M were saved, would the ink provide you with what might be a painful reminder?

Good that you are getting a good grasp on moving forward, rather than moving on. Keep working on yourself, things will get better!

[Emilys88]

I was thinking of the tattoo before he dumped me at my parents, I have always depended on him for everything. The last few weeks before I had started doing things on my own like getting out and going to appointments and meetings. So I feel like I was growing independent back then too