It might be safe to say that a lot of MLCers have some form of A. Although very certainly, not all are.
My comment would be, MLCers can have some very interesting thoughts. Be thankful that sometimes he will share those thoughts with you. It is impossible to know where that thought is leading him. He could be trying to figure out if the two of you haven't put enough effort into saving the R.
MLC thoughts can drive us crazy. If they share their thoughts, note them and move forward. To do otherwise has an LBS spinning in their tracks.
"Aren't most MLC'ers involved in A?... I haven't read any stories of MLC'ers who aren't."
No not all of them are involved. An A partner (like everything else in MLC - new business, new car, new home, etc.) are just parts of their "change" Many look for external things to make them happy when they don't understand that they will only be happy when they are happy INSIDE.
In your case, I wouldn't even think about an A on his part. It's going to be another thing that's going to drive you crazy.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Wfm sorry for highjack. Bond maybe you can answer this question on my thread. Do you think my W is going through some sort of MLC ? She is 41 and last time she came back to me she would often say I think I was going through something etc. she even stated that she was going through MLC to a friend.
h called to swap vehicles, he brought his t-top camaro which he rarely lets me drive. He was smiley/shy when he was dropping it off. I asked him if it was aobut letting me have a nice ride, he said it was about convenience.
Then later, back at our house he offered to make me a coffee, came out with a light snack (crackers & cheese), and then cookies too. We briefly sat with his parents (divorced but friends).
It sure was nice to have a nice "moment"... as opposed to all the "work, work, work" and irritability that I usually get from him.
Baby steps?
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
h called to swap vehicles, he brought his t-top camaro which he rarely lets me drive. He was smiley/shy when he was dropping it off. I asked him if it was aobut letting me have a nice ride, he said it was about convenience.
Then later, back at our house he offered to make me a coffee, came out with a light snack (crackers & cheese), and then cookies too. We briefly sat with his parents (divorced but friends).
It sure was nice to have a nice "moment"... as opposed to all the "work, work, work" and irritability that I usually get from him.
Baby steps?
Did you thank him for these nice moments and actions? If yes, then how? If not, you should have! Reward positive behavior.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
yes, of course... but casually, so as to not feel pressured to do it or not again or that I was focusing/hyper about the "niceness".
I also left in a timely fashion, as to not linger (as much as I wanted too).
I guess on other noteable mention was that he also brought up a casual convo about his friends kid...it was nice to talk about something other than work.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
so today... much different. Worked ALL day with h.
Was req'd to work from our old home with h for about an hour. H didn't even offer coffee.
Then, we had clients back to back. Sold 2 units, one being our most expensive. You think he would be happy! But no, he got very quiet. I tried not to ask. Eventually I did, he said he was tired. I know we have another appt. at 6pm, to which I offered to help, he said he could do it. Due to his tiredness, I aslo offered to help relocate vehicles, whatever, etc. He just told me to do whatever I need to do. So... I stayed upbeat & left. Ending with "great job today" and a smile. He said he will call me later.
So... is this detaching? I stayed upbeat, happy to have sold more product, and inspite of his mood, stayed positive.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
I think because it was compressed in one post, it looked like you were pushing to help. I suspect the offer to help with the appointment and the offer to help do anything else was spread out over the day.
Any offer to help IS ok, just make one offer and leave it. I think he spoke to that quite well. Do what ever you need to do. ie. If it's something that you know is common in the business for you or him to do, just do it. Such as if at the end of the day the stock gets moved to specific locations and you CAN and he's busy...
idk. i hope that makes sense. That you don't have to ASK him for permission to do the work that needs to get done on a daily basis. The "routine" stuff. Then again, don't go out doing "his" tasks. just like he probably shouldn't be doing the books if that is specifically YOUR tasks.
