Dont know what to do...

[~ kd ~]

I'll just bring some of your first posts here to keep things in context:

I have so many questions, and H has a tight hold on our finances, I am not allowed to spend any money without informing him what its for, and wait for his approval. I cant buy the books until I can get a CC..

At what point can I ask to talk about the reasons he is leaving? Tonight I blew it and overreacted to him. He then initiated another conversation, I apologized for my reactions, and validated his frustrations. He said to me, "Its not just you, its me too. I know this is the right choice for me, but it doesnt mean its easy. Im angry about having to sell everything Ive worked so hard for."

He hasnt filed yet, but is with OW when he isnt at work. He is waiting for me to agree to his terms, or tell him how much Im going to "take" from him.

I have to talk to H, as much as I would like to just go dark, he has made a requirement that I ask before using the joint account. EVERY TIME He wants to know for what, and then will give me an amount.

Plus, he is adamant that I not attend any function, or go to any establishment that he also frequents. We have established a large circle of mutual friends, that we did a lot of things with. Now, H refuses to be around me. Says it makes him way too angry, and it makes our friends uncomfortable. I dont think its fair to make our friends take sides, so, I explained to H that we control how comfortable people are around us. That being the case, I have to ask him if he is planning on attending something we have both been invited to, before I accept any invitation.

I have been able to keep most of these interactions very upbeat, and happy.. "Hey, Im thinking of going out tonight... is it ok if I go to...(our local bar)?" No matter his answer, I reply with, "Ok, have a great nite TTYL" The problem situations come up like a couple parties we've been invited to, and a river trip that was planned for our recently deceased friend... We both want to go, but if I express that I really want to go, he gets angry and snaps at me, "Whatever, I dont care, go enjoy yourself" If I tell him I wont go so he can, then he takes his GF, which is just really hurtful.

This whole arrangement makes me GALing very difficult.

I keep letting him and his GF provoke me...

This time its pictures all over FB of them at a mutual friends house... as a couple. I asked him to have her not post them out of respect for me, he got angry and it all went downhill from there...

Why is it that I need to just roll over and be ok with whatever they do, even if its disrespecting me?

So, my roommate is taking bits of phone conversations, and conversations with friends, twisting them pulling them out of context and then relaying them to my husband with a negative spin... this infuriates my husband and pushes him further towards obtaining an attorney, and forcing me out of the house.

I also dont know if H can legally force me out of the house...

Well, technically still lives here.. wants me to move out, I have no job (havent had income in 10 years).

He spends 98% of his free time with his GF... Can he force me out of the house? Should I leave? I feel like if I leave it will just seal my fate and he will move his GF into our home.

Im wondering if I should go to H with a plan to move out? That seems to be his main sticking point right now..

He is offering me $2000/month (approximately 1/4 of our marital assests..).... this is "very generous" in his opinion... For 18 years I always said I would never ask for more than my clothes and my car... however, he has encouraged me to not work, and assure me that I would never need to worry about it. That he was never going to leave me, and would always work towards resolution and give me plenty of time if we ever got to this point.

I want nothing to do with a divorce, I also understand that I can not force him to remain married to me. Ive already done a couple major 180s, and tried to GAL.. with very restrictive boundaries set by him.

My goals:

1. The way I treat people
I HAD a tendancy to be harsh with my truth, be overbearing, and demand justice at all
costs. Since the death of my friend, I made dramatic changes in that regard.
2. Dont do anything around the house..
Anyone who knows us, knows that I do a lot around the house. I have OCD, and it
manifests in the form of cleaning. I had to actually look deeper into this issue and see
the real problem. Its that he feels I am taking advantage of him because he provides
100% of my environment financially, and has for the last 10+ years. He was feeling
unappreciated. Asking for help around the house is ok once in awhile, not all the
time.. not an issue for me, since Im going to be doing it all when Im single!
3. Pushing my way, my agnda...
Im still working on this one, Im getting better!!!
4. Spend too much money..
This is actually a new one, and only cropped up recently.. Not sure where its coming
from, but I will only use the check card with his express permission. I make sure to
say please, and Thank you every time as well.

Thankfully, Ive made these changes for me, firstly. Hes not around to notice the most important ones, inregards to my interpersonal interactions. There is still such a large part of me wishing he would just notice so that we can begin to come to a place of peace, and start the next phase of our marriage, with new perspecives of each other, and a new dynamic to our marriage.

I think I'll stop there, for now.