Time for me (part 4)

[Spartan]

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Well it's been a couple weeks so here's another 900 word post of my sitch... Good luck getting through it

Half marathon - Went really well. W was extremely nervous before race so I asked her what pace she wanted to run and paced her. My plan going in was to run my own pace but at start it felt right to run with her and make sure she finished where she wanted since it was so important to her. Average pace was within 3 seconds per mile of her goal for entire 13 miles. I didn't realize the trails were that hilly so I was happy to keep a pace with my knee and ankle injuries. I felt like Daniel in the lion's den with the charity after party but it went good. I was very outgoing and showed the new me. It was good seeing my BIL again and catching up with him. Her parents even initiated numerous conversations with me. W thanked everyone for going except your's truly...in past I would have spun but I kind of expected it. In the end I'm happy I did it and was a part of it and kids got to see me support their mom. Only issue was it REALLY hurt knee and foot (due to compensating for knee) and I'm still recovering, hoping to run again this Saturday but we'll see...

I spun a little going into the race and a few days after but not related to race. The emotional distancing from W was taking a major toll on me and I was letting myself struggle with it. I was basically over thinking things and causing myself stress for no reason. Finally, after a few friends called me out, I got fed up with myself and stopped thinking and just started being. It's hard to explain but it feels so good and empowering to just be...not really sure how to explain it more then that.

Last week + has been very good. I'm doing my own thing and not getting involved with W's stuff at all. Have plans set for next 4 weekends without her and feel fine with it. Kids and I have been doing a lot of stuff together last several weeks and we're getting into our new reality.

Family summer camp we attended last couple years is coming up at end of June and W was ticked I wanted to go when I brought it up to her Sunday night, just making sure there weren't plans already. She said she didn't think it made sense to take kids this year with the current circumstance. Mind reading a little but I think she was ticked because she didn't want us going without her to what has been our family's summer highlight the last several years. I didn't get into it with her Sunday and just went about my business. Last night I calmly told her that I'd be taking the kids to the camp and left it at that, she just said fine but I saw the sadness in her face... The reality that she helped create is this is my new family and she has no power over what I do any longer. My kids want to go and I want to go, that's all I need to know at this point in my journey.

I've also fired my L and went with a firm that specializes in D for men in the area. My previous L was extremely passive and non-responsive and I just wasn't comfortable with him any longer. My W has not been comfortable with this development. She has asked me several questions about it that I've not really answered clearly. I think it signified to her just how serious I was about fighting for custody and that I was prepared to go to court and battle if necessary. She brought up mediation again over the weekend, previous to this she was just being crappy and saying she'll see me in court and I would regret it...

So yesterday she knew I had met with L's for 2 hours and as soon as I got home asked how it went. I just said fine then went and played outside with kids. Long story short, after dinner she had a bunch of calendars out on table with various proposals and we sat and had our first unemotional discussion regarding custody since BD. After about an hour we had an agreement that I'm happy with. She has a few more overnights (for the $$$ obviously) but actual time with them (i.e. guaranteed evenings) has me with just over 50% and the way it will likely work out I'll see them much more then that since I'll get them during her odd work shifts (happen often). I'm also coach of their various teams so anyone wanna bet when practices will be scheduled . The documents are with the L now so I'm hoping to get these signed asap. Big difference from where she was the last several months. This has been a MAJOR source of stress on me so I'm praying it gets finalized quickly before she changes her mind again. She also agreed to no alimony which is nice IF it happens.