Always more to learn...2

[25yearsmlc]

So SD

I'm glad you went to Essential Experience (EE).

Can you expand on your work, your "contract" and how WE might assist you or support you in staying on contract?

it's easy to bask in the glow of all the great feelings EE gives us but if we don't implement the changes, if we do not ACT to achieve our goals,

all you'll have is still significant, KNOWLEDGE that you are a great catch and that down deep you are truly, just fine...(huge gift)

I related to folks on a deeper level, permanently. I forgave my father...

AND when I acted towards fulfilling my contract, my life FULLY transformed.


So again, how can we support you in that?

[StubbornDyke]

Hi 25,

Thanks for stopping by. And thanks for all your postings that convinced me to go to EE.

My basking pretty much ended with P's phone call Monday night. I'm practicing grieving this week. I don't like it (that's an understatement - with eight planets in earth signs, I HATE it), but moving forward is the only sane choice at this point. Tonight I also said goodbye to a dear friend, P's best friend, who introduced us. She's moving to the west coast. That's a double loss as it feels like losing a connection to P as well as losing the friend.

So, fresh out of EE, I've taken a few blows. That slightly changed my focus from my action plan back to the basics - just taking good care of myself. Even eating and sleeping well took some effort. I'm trying to get the exercise and gratitude practice more regular, too.

I've had good support from my EE group for my action items, good local support for my grieving (and I was much more proactive and direct about asking for what I needed than I would have been before, I think), and truly wonderful, essential laugh therapy from my DB buddies in the alt (you're welcome to find me there if you like).

The heart of my contract is about speaking authentically and listening compassionately. Each is a challenge for me in different situations.

I don't know what to ask for, here, at the moment, but I appreciate the reminders and the refocusing. Thank you.

Hmm. As I think about it, maybe this is a good place to report about the basics. My goals are:

1. Veggie-centric healthy eating
2. Let's not forget sleep.
3. Workouts -3x/wk cardio, 3x/wk strength
4. Gratitude - list of 5 every morning.

[25yearsmlc]

except for my being a carnivore, your health goals OUGHT to be mine...

Did you do your list today? And the work out? Okay enough nagging...


My main "deep & real" question was not so much about steps towards, but what your contract says about your over all goal? The authenticity and compassion require you to do what, to get there? Just wondering about volunteer work OR maybe just checking in with your peeps about how you are doing on that...??

If you don't want to show it here, that's cool. I'll find you.

Are you in the EE area? I have never been closer than 3 hours but have flown in from Alaska, Texas and California so yes - you could say I'm into it!

Am trying to do team in August for our anniversary but it's not looking good for our schedule. Dang...

Take care and stay on contract!

[StubbornDyke]

Hey 25. Thanks for the nag. Thanks to it, I made the cabbage salad I've been saying I'd make all week.

...and wrote that gratitude list down (how did that not happen this morning?)

Closest I got to a workout was mowing the lawn, which, in my case isn't very close.

Interestingly, at the end of a lengthy FB chat this morning, I got major positive feedback and it wasn't anything I was doing consciously. Please do find me elsewhere if you want more details.

I'm in the Finger Lakes area, about a 4 hour drive to Philly. I'll get back next weekend for reunion, then I'll have to go remote.

Sorry to hear that your schedule isn't cooperating for August. I definitely look forward to doing team someday, too.

Thanks again for the encouragement.

[StubbornDyke]

I'm on the road for work, but still managing to do pretty well with the fundamentals.

It's time to close this out and start a new thread. I'm not sure where. It may be in "Surviving the Big D" since the earth has shifted and I'm accepting the path of moving forward. Mostly. Sorta.

[Underdog]

SD,

You know, I'm having trouble accepting the old "stubborn" adjective connected to your online name. It may have been true way back when, but you're not stubborn in these ways anymore.

Aww, I'm sorry that it's going to be a grieving week. That just means you should be gentle with yourself and be extra patient. Loss is tough.

Come join Surviving. Here we are, years past our first contact with each other and we're both still... surviving? Huh?

I want to make it out to your area sometime next year. Did I tell you that D19's roomie is from Honoye? At some point, I'd love to meet her parents, as they were awesome to D19 this school year.

And I'm glad you know I think you're a rock star. You really are.

xxxooo (And I don't give out hugs AND kisses here, ya know)

Bets

[Wonka]

xxxooo (And I don't give out hugs AND kisses here, ya know)

Bets

C'mon..gimme some too, Bets! And I'll reward you with a toaster for the effort. [just had to do this for the fun of it.... sorry for the hijack, Stubborn]

[Underdog]

Deal, Wonka. And I don't even want the toaster... just got a new one last month. They're free to you both.

[StubbornDyke]

Oh, so now you're easy all of a sudden, Bets?

My uncle had a cottage on Honeoye Lake. I have some lovely memories of the place from when I was a wee little dyke. One time my Dad took me and my younger brother (3 and 5, at most) out on the uncle's motor boat, which ran out of gas in the middle of the lake. It was a loooong time before Dad got the tired hungry kids rowed to shore.

I'm going to dig up your email. Mine may not be the same. You know I'd love to see you.

Well, while I still have this thread, I might as well use it...

I'm going to report that I had a date last weekend. Well, she was probably just being hospitable, but when a hot dyke takes me to a ball game I'm counting it, dammit. This was fallout from that hormonal smackdown I got a couple weeks ago. She's completely uninterested, which was awkward, mortifying, and probably a good thing, really, since I'm not there yet. And I was staying with her for the whole weekend. Gawd.

The thing is, she was impeccably kind and gracious, which minimized my discomfort. She was also very open and honest as I asked her about ending her previous R. We had some deep talks that gave me a lot to think about and helped me gain some insight into P's perspective. She was also fun and easy to hang out with. That time together feels like a wonderful gift. It was a good, healing, connection. I hope it will become a friendship.

I feel like a weight has been lifted. Maybe it's just relief that the mortification is over. Ha!

I'm thinking that P is speaking her truth right now. It doesn't match mine. It doesn't match what I saw. It may change later. But, right now it is her truth. Several things she said to me were blatant, untrue stories that she clearly needed in order to bolster her resolve to leave. That doesn't mean that everything she's thinking is off base.

Maybe the necessity of leaving is another story, as I'd like to think. Maybe the good times were, as she claims. All I can know is that I would choose differently.

More than one non-DB person has said to me recently, "Maybe she was just the wrong person." That can't always be the answer. Sometimes it's true that we haven't been careful or honest or attentive enough in choosing. I can see that I can do better in that department, but I don't use it as an excuse. Lots of people wake up from the honeymoon rather shocked and horrified and still manage to make it through the challenges to the other side.

I guess MWD's question is a good one to ask (not sure exactly how she phrased it): "What would it take to make you leave the R?" On the one hand, it's good to know. On the other hand, people leave for other reasons than they might think of at the moment.

[Underdog]

SD,

I have some lovely memories of the place from when I was a wee little dyke.

Doggone it, you made me spit out my coffee!

I will definitely let you know if I can swing a trip to NY next year. Right now, D19 asked her dad and me to not come up for parents weekend, but fly to California in September to watch her play volleyball there. I'll miss her too much not to figure something else out.

So sorry that you were embarrassed, but there's nothing wrong with going out with someone who is hot... just because. Besides, sounds like she could be friend material. Who couldn't use a fresh perspective in the context of a friend?

"Maybe she was just the wrong person."

I agree that it can't always be the answer. But I personally think it's more often "Maybe your timing is off?" I've met a few guys in my life who, even looking back, might have been really great husbands for me. But we weren't at the same place at the same time.

Besides, sometimes it IS us, and sometimes it's them. Sometimes, people are in our life to push us to the next place. Once we get there, they have served their purpose and it's time to move on. Even if you only learn one thing from your time, it's good. Progress is good.

And face it, SD. Some people just won't make the necessary commitment to make a R work. They take the fun from getting to know someone, and they keep it shallow enough to leave so they can go get their fix when it starts to get deep. I actually think that sounds like an addiction/addictive personality and not someone we'd like in our lives for the long haul.

I'm trying to just bless those people in my life. It's getting easier, especially when I say it from the heart. I want to be available when the right person DOES show up, you know?

And I guess you know now that I am easy... all of a sudden.

Hugs and hope today is a great one--

Bets