Taking My Space - Giving Spouse Theirs

[Wonka]

"oh by the way I know this hurts but I'm going on a vacation with AP etc..."

You need to set boundaries here. If I were you, I'd respond back to that comment:

It is hurtful to me and those comments are inappropriate.

They need to be slapped awake now and then.

[Valeska19]

Or.. don't respond at all.

My x used to just reach out when it was convenient for her.. regardless of my feelings. After I ignored her..she got the picture.

[RealityTrip]

I slept well last night. Prayer and peace. I awoke this morning and immediately felt that "You're ok. You can be peaceful. God is doing His work over there." (meaning in my W's life and her A.) I'm going to hold that message and feel it for as long as it stays with me.

My W's BFF arrives today. She always brings rays of sunshine with her. I am going to stop dreading this visit because I've felt like a hermit and recognize it for the uplifting gift that it is.

I hope everyone has a really good day today. I'm thinking of you all.

[in_it]

Hey RT, I'm glad to see you in such a good spot/mood this morning. Keep that!

I have a feeling the visit from your W's BFF is going to be good for you. Don't know why, just a hunch.

God is amazing isn't he? He spoke loud & clear to me on Saturday after a powerful prayer session & I've been feeling pretty good ever since. My H is out of town this week & I know it's only Tuesday morning, but my mind is great right now. This has never happened when he's been gone. I'm going with it.

Enjoy your day as well!

[RealityTrip]

I sat in the drive thru line at Starbuck's for 20 minutes so of course my thoughts went all over the place. I'm still fighting that feeling of "This is it. If she doesn't come back from this trip with her AP and make some decisions, I have made mine. I'm done." I think this is coming from the hurt that she is with the AP after having told me she "ended it." I knew to expect relapse form her... Doesn't make it easier though. I keep trying to remember... "marathon, not sprint."

So for myself, here is what I can recognize. Things have changed for the better since I started DB'ing:

1- our communication is better
2- my W is more honest with me, even if I don't like what I hear
3- the affair has been cracking and she has tried to end it
4 - we were intimate for the first time in a couple of years
5 - I am learning a lot about myself and the kind of spouse I want to be
6 - I am beginning to uncover patterns from my childhood that have shaped my previous "marital skills"
7 - I am stronger

I have got to shake this "resolution now" thinking that my pain from their trip together is forming like a protective bubble in my head.

InIt, I'm with ya girl! It's going to be a great week for both of us! Because we decide it will be!

[needgrace]

hi RT, you are so on the right path.. love the early morning mantra about letting God handle things..

my latest mantra is "allow and grace will carry you to higher ground" from this poem:


Allow By Danna Faulds

There is no controlling life.

Try corralling a lightning bolt, containing a tornado.

Dam a stream and it will create a new channel.

Resist, and the tide will sweep you off your feet.

Allow, and grace will carry you to higher ground.

The only safety lies in letting it all in -

the wild and the weak -

fear, fantasies, failures, and success.

When loss rips off the doors of the heart

or sadness veils your vision with despair,

practice becomes simply bearing the truth.

In the choice to let go of your known way of being,

the whole world is revealed to your new eyes.


In your posts, RT, i hear you speak about seeing the world and your W with new eyes. you are on your way.

[RealityTrip]

(((((Grace))))) I love this ^^^ poem!

[labug]

I've been running from sitting this morning. Don't want to feel-but I have to.

Thanks, Grace.

[RealityTrip]

I take away so much from everyone's sharing. AnotherStander wrote this to Newman on his thread:

------"First, do you want to end the M (or otherwise force your W to end it)? Second, if the answer to that is "yes", have you really given yourself time to consider if you really do want to go there? Because in my sitch, there was a time that I was convinced that I was done and I was ready to initiate D. But I resisted forcing the issue and gave myself a few weeks to really think about it. After that soul-searching, I discovered that I really didn't want to end it, and so I went back to GAL and giving my W time and space. Don't make any rash decisions, give YOURSELF as much time and space as you give your W."-------

Just what I needed to think about in my own pain, infused need for "resolution" when my W returns from her trip with AP. Thanks so much AnotherStander and Newman for your sharing!!! I took so much from both of you today.

[jp787]

hi RT, you are so on the right path.. love the early morning mantra about letting God handle things..

my latest mantra is "allow and grace will carry you to higher ground" from this poem:


Allow By Danna Faulds

There is no controlling life.

Try corralling a lightning bolt, containing a tornado.

Dam a stream and it will create a new channel.

Resist, and the tide will sweep you off your feet.

Allow, and grace will carry you to higher ground.

The only safety lies in letting it all in -

the wild and the weak -

fear, fantasies, failures, and success.

When loss rips off the doors of the heart

or sadness veils your vision with despair,

practice becomes simply bearing the truth.

In the choice to let go of your known way of being,

the whole world is revealed to your new eyes.


In your posts, RT, i hear you speak about seeing the world and your W with new eyes. you are on your way.

Thanks for posting this!