Still Struggling and need help #4

[CharlieBrown]

As far as moving past it, I thought we were. After I brought it up to her and she deleted his FB friendship (and tried to get rid of some of her posts to him, but good luck once it is out there) and she said in therapy that she understood the toxic nature of this, that it was over. But, I understand in hindsight that this was wrong.

I read some of the getting past the affair stuff and even though this wasn't an EA, it was/is an obsession and shares a lot of the characteristics. In order to get past it and move forward, it seems like she has to be more willing to accept fault and ask for forgiveness. She is not doing either, in her mind "I was never looking to have sex with him or anyone else, I am not like that" so this was her justification that this was no big deal. All of you who have dealt with EAs know that just sex would be easier than when the EA is in your head.

Also, part of moving past it is severing all contact. This guy, his world, whatever, is clearly there. She is still on his twitter page and is goign to his FB page 10-15 times AFTER HAVING A HUGE DISCUSSION ABOUT HOW MUCH OF AN ISSUE THIS IS TO HER H AND ADMITTING IT IS TOXIC.

So, what do I do next? We talked about it in therapy last week so I thought about bringing it up tomorrow and saying I thought we moved past it, but I don't think think we have. Do I ask her about it outside therapy and tell her I am still struggling? Do I go back to trying to ignore it? That didn't work out so well last time, but maybe she just needs to burn out on her own?

CB