If you were such a good wife then why did i stray?

[tiredndrained]

So, big backslide yesterday. H was out all weekend. Didn't go to son's soccer tournament all weekend. One of the kids asked my S11 if he had a dad. I saw the look of sadness in his eyes. He said his dad was working and S8 told the boy, no, he's lying our dad doesn't do anything with us. Felt awful for them. Ended up in a huge argument yesterday w H bout what a crummy father he is. How running around all the time is impacting his children. Doesn't care. Got extremely nasty with me. Said he hates me and he does it bc he hates me so much and he won't be anywhere near me. So, I ask him...why are you still living here? I've been begging him to leave since BDay months ago. Why stay if I'm such a problem? He says now he leaving in 6 weeks. Got very sad after our argument. Cried all day. Came home and H was sweet as pie, asked for a kiss, hug, etc. Ugh...he is crazy. Then my sister tells me she saw him twice in her town which is an hour away in different restaurants eating alone. When they asked him what he was doing by himself he said just wanted to be by himself. Makes no sense.

Ended up in C office last night trying to work through the frustration. Have an appt with a divorce attorney on Thursday. At least going to find out my options.