How interesting that you have had the feeling that this golf trip is so significant, oh Viking Warrior, and now look, H's sister is showing up the exact same week! As uRworthy said, karma! Karma can be rough Has H told you what he plans to do? I think you said he already paid for his room with the skanky life preserver, oops I mean golfing buddies, right? Maybe she'll have to go to the beach by herself. It made me think of that old Beatles song, Instant Karma, and had to look up the words, a la T^2!
Instant Karma's gonna get you, Gonna knock you right on the head, You better get yourself together, Pretty soon you're gonna be dead, What in the world you thinking of, Laughing in the face of love, What on earth you tryin' to do, It's up to you, yeah you.
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
Oh Karma, you are going to have your work cut out for you...
Soooo....
H comes home from golf this evening in a great mood. He golfed well, and was excited about it. He has always been a good golfer, but he golfed terribly all last spring and summer, and this seemed to add to his misery. He would come home each week from golf and say that he was disgusted with himself.
So after we talked about his golfing and my evening with the boys, he springs this on me...
"Hey, the guy at golf league who booked the trip said that we can get a free day of golf with our package - do you care if I stay an extra day?"
Me on the outside, totally calm demeanor, told him it is up to him if he would like to stay an extra day. Me on the inside - visualize me smashing his golf clubs with a hammer while the music from "Psycho" plays in the background.
He is really testing my patience. Big time.
I should have known with the recent surge of texting, that some sh!t was brewing. So predictable.
He says to me, " You know that's when my sister will be in?" And I say yes. He says that he couldn't believe it when his mom said the dates yesterday, that he felt bad.
I wanted to say something like, "You must feel really bad if you're staying an extra day ", but I refrained.
I said we would still go to the places we had planned. He made a comment that it would probably be more fun without him anyway. I said something like - I don't know about that, I think you will be missed- and left it at that.
I don't even know how I'm feeling right now, I thought I'd be more angry. Maybe that will come as the trip gets closer.
It's so disappointing. I'm tired of being disappointed. Forget having no expectations... I feel like I should just continually expect the worst from my H. How sad.
Linda you had asked me awhile ago if I ever thought about saying no when H asks to do things. Of course I have! But Snodderly and UW set me straight about getting out of his way, and getting myself out of that "parent" role. Truly, he has to decide what he does/doesn't do, it's not my place to decide for him.
He has made a huge f- ing mess of his life, and it is going to be up to him to clean it up. If he even ever gets to that point...
Still trying to put my broken heart back together
On the GAL front, I just finished a book that was really good, and had a very pertinent message for all looking to live life to the fullest - it was Mitch Albom's "The Time Keeper". It's worth checking out.
Going to try not to stew too much and get some sleep
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
"Hey, the guy at golf league who booked the trip said that we can get a free day of golf with our package - do you care if I stay an extra day?"
Me on the outside, totally calm demeanor, told him it is up to him if he would like to stay an extra day.
You are amazing, T.
Me on the inside - visualize me smashing his golf clubs with a hammer while the music from "Psycho" plays in the background.
Ok, um, can I please have the hammer when you are finished? Pretty please? Cuz he is pisssing me off. LOL!
I should have known with the recent surge of texting, that some sh!t was brewing. So predictable.
Yep, you called it.
He says to me, " You know that's when my sister will be in?" And I say yes. He says that he couldn't believe it when his mom said the dates yesterday, that he felt bad.
I wanted to say something like, "You must feel really bad if you're staying an extra day ", but I refrained.
Good job. Would have fallen on deaf ears.
I said we would still go to the places we had planned. He made a comment that it would probably be more fun without him anyway. I said something like - I don't know about that, I think you will be missed- and left it at that.
Yeah, heard that before. Script.
It's so disappointing. I'm tired of being disappointed.
I know you are, T. I am so sorry he keeps making such bad choices.
He has made a huge f- ing mess of his life, and it is going to be up to him to clean it up.
Yes, it is, T. So sad, really, that he isnt able to see what is right in front of him.
Still trying to put my broken heart back together
Sweetie, I am hurting for you. I wish that there were words to tell you what I want to. You are going to get through this. I have no doubt. Whatever happens. You have so much heart and courage and strength.
See even though he "asks", I know he's going to do what he wants anyway, regardless of what I think or feel.
Yes, in a "normal" R I would definitely express how I feel, but this is certainly not normal!
I would rather go on like I don't care what he does - this seems to be what gets his attention the most, gets him thinking the most. Plus, most importantly, protects me the most from disappointment and being hurt.
Oh UW... Still stewing over the latest developments... Feeling that anger rising up...
But not to worry, I didn't go near any hammers! Lol!!! You are welcome to borrow a hammer any time though!
I don't know how else to say this - I am just plain old disgusted with him. Yes, I know he's hurting and all that, but I am tired of being hurt because of how he chooses to deal with his pain.
And HER... Grrrrr....
You know one of the things she said to me during our little talk? "TVS, I don't want to come in between you and H."
Really, skank? Cause I think that is exactly what you want to do.
I was thinking about this though....
That's a lot of days to be together with no other distractions. H likes being by himself, and instead, he's gonna have her up his a$$ 24/7. Not to mention, H doesn't really like the beach - he hates being hot and sweaty, it makes him itchy. And he usually gets bored.
Also, that while he is off having a relaxing vacation with the twinkle twat, he knows I'll be having fun with the boys, creating happy memories that he is not a part of.
His loss. Hope he chokes on his guilt sandwich.
Thanks for your kindness, your words do help.
But I'm still p!ssed
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
T, I want to point out that they are the exact opposite of what they use to be...so...if he didn't like the beach before, he may very well enjoy it and he may not get bored w/the action on the beach, etc. He may like being by himself around you, but who is to say that he'll like it when he's away for a few days? I hop that I am wrong and if I am, I'm sorry if I rained on your parade today.
As for the Twinkle Twat, if she is going, she will pretzel herself into doing whatever it takes to make him happy...don't be surprised if he returns w/some new beach clothing and a nice tan. Oh yeah, she doesn't want to come in between you and your h, but she accomplished what she wanted w/that comment by planting weeds in your flower bed, so to speak. She's left you w/that comment to mull over all of the time and that is exactly up her alley. Please try to put that comment out of your mind; don't give her the power over your thought processes.
Oh, he'll choke on his sandwich, but not until he returns home. You have every right to be pissed.
Plan your fun time w/the boys and don't think twice about it.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Oh TVS, how disappointing that your H made the wrong choice in the first place, and now wants to stay an extra day? I'm in line right behind RH for dibs on that hammer.
I probably would have answered like you, but agree with both RH and T^ - he was asking if you cared, so it would have been okay to say yes, but it would have just fallen on deaf ears anyway
I wonder how he will explain where he is and who he's with to his sister? Would you like for her to learn the truth? Hang in there my friend, I have some crazy glue you can use to piece your heart back together. And a hug and kiss for you.
"Also, that while he is off having a relaxing vacation with the twinkle twat, he knows I'll be having fun with the boys, creating happy memories that he is not a part of.
His loss. Hope he chokes on his guilt sandwich. "
Hahahaha, we were all posting at the same time I think, incensed over what this idiot is doing to you, his family, and himself. I hope he has plenty of sand in that guilt sandwich!
What do you all think, should TVS text hourly photos of the boys having a ball to H merely to annoy Twinkle?
[quote=Takevowsserious] Hi my sweet friend. I have to agree with you. To answer him when he asks do you mind if I stay another day by saying yes would not be the right thing in my opinion. For the reasons you gave, but, also because by saying you do, it does a few things. From a dbing standpoint, it doesnt give him space and it can cause him to feel guilt or anger. And he clearly did not want an actual answer.
But much more importantly, he has to own his choices.
Oh UW... Still stewing over the latest developments... Feeling that anger rising up...
You have a right to feel angry, T. I mean, really, at the end of the day, your h is going away with twinkle to the beach and now while his sister is coming to visit. If you werent angry, I'd think there was something wrong with you.
I am angry for you.
I don't know how else to say this - I am just plain old disgusted with him. Yes, I know he's hurting and all that, but I am tired of being hurt because of how he chooses to deal with his pain.
I hear you on that. I always said that while I had compassion for my xh for his crisis, it didnt give him a free pass on his actions. Those were his to own.
You know one of the things she said to me during our little talk? "TVS, I don't want to come in between you and H."
And you didnt freakin deck her? Oops, I have to stop thinking out loud. My bad. ...
That's a lot of days to be together with no other distractions. H likes being by himself, and instead, he's gonna have her up his a$$ 24/7. Not to mention, H doesn't really like the beach - he hates being hot and sweaty, it makes him itchy. And he usually gets bored.
T, I'm going to tell you a story. My xh never liked being outdoors. The beach?forget it. I love the outdoors. Anyway, she loved the outdoors, too. She loved to hike, she loved to bike ride, the beach, etc. She even lived on a farm with chickens
And I remember thinking to myself, how the heck is that going to work? I mean, really. Good luck to her. I had been trying for years to get his as$ out of the house. LOL!
I also knew that was going to be their undoing. There was no way he was going to suddenly enjoy chickens!
And it was. I spoke to him about it once long after in my uRworthy way. Hee hee. I said, "Let me ask you something. Did you really think that you were going to live on a freakin farm with chickens? You dont even like dogs or cats. And your face hasnt seen the sun in years. How did you think that was going to work?"
His answer -"UR, I was crazy. Plain and simple. I tried those things for awhile, but, when she started insisting on it, I knew that just wasnt gonna happen. And I eventually realized we were two different people."
When I reminded him that I loved doing some of that stuff, too, he looked at me sadly and said, I know that UR. But you accepted that I didnt and did your own thing and she couldnt do that.
Also, that while he is off having a relaxing vacation with the twinkle twat, he knows I'll be having fun with the boys, creating happy memories that he is not a part of.
Yep and trust me when I tell you, he will be thinking of it.
His loss. Hope he chokes on his guilt sandwich.
You freakin crack me up.
But I'm still p!ssed
Go ahead and be pissed, T. Just dont hang onto it too long, ya know? That's giving both of them power. And I want you to have all the power, like a good Viking should.
Has H told you what he plans to do? I think you said he already paid for his room with the skanky life preserver, oops I mean golfing buddies, right? Maybe she'll have to go to the beach by herself. It made me think of that old Beatles song, Instant Karma, and had to look up the words, a la T^2!
