So, following Cadet's line, the last 20 years he's been pouring that pain into me, our M, but that still didn't help ease him. (Correct me if I'm wrong on that Cadet.)

Throughout the years he's also thrown himself into "distractions", sports, businesses, other women, and lets not forget gambling (which he sees as more of a business)

Yep, I can easily see him going another 20 years as we are now.

And wow. I don't want to do that. I don't think I can do that.

So something's got to change, and that's got to be me.

I've been pondering of late, and would love to get some feedback from the sages of the board (you know who you are!! smile ) H is reconnecting to his family. Like I said, when we married he had NO contact. I insisted early on that his parents had a right to know if he was living or dead, so he did make a phone call at my request. But now he seems almost fully re-engaged. (I have been encouraging this for YEARS but now that its happening H thinks I resent it?)

But is this the reconnection that is mentioned as a stage of MLC?

But has he been MLC for 20 years? Is that possible? Is he MLC at all, or just suffering from some life long crisis/personality disorder? (It seems like every time I ask these questions someone tells me not to lol. Dammit, I just wanna know! Its kind of like wanting to know what sort of tree is in my back yard - knowing doesn't change anything, but then I KNOW. I'm nerdy like that, ask my H. Its one of the things he doesn't like about me. Oh, and its a Silver Maple.)

Jeesh, time to run already. Thanks for the link Linda, haven't had time to fully read it but on a quick skim it looked most interesting.

As always, thanks to all for stopping by. smile

Me 46 H 56
M 22 yrs
S22, D20, Twin Ss18

You teach people how to treat you by what you allow.
What you stop.
And what you reinforce.
~~~~~~~
A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.