Getting Uncomfortable

[mizjjd]

Do you feel like your H is too comfortable with the staus quo also? Is the future shake up for you or for him, Mz. J?

I know the wisdom on MLC says the MLCer is unhappy regardless of their facade, and I do believe that to be the case for my H. But I think he's comfortable enough as-is to not progress on his own path, or to feel any reason to progress.

But while he might reap benefit from my "shake up", that would be incidental to my purpose. Yeah, this is all about me right now. (Insert smiley with a tiara here.)

Portia (HI PORTIA!! NICE TO SEE YOU!! ) has suggested our sitches (yours and mine) might be similar and I think she may be right. Lol, sorry about your luck

I was sort of thinking that my H and I will just muddle along as long as I can stand it

I feel like I've been ^^ for a very long time. Like well over a decade, closer to two.

I stole the quote/question below from your thread.

But I guess what I'm asking is - was he really a good guy before, which makes all this worth suffering through for his sake? Or, on reflection, was he maybe always a selfish guy who didn't make you a priority?

You answered emphatically yes.

I don't know the answer anymore. I married a fantastic guy, but as I said in another post, that faded within a couple years of marriage.

Not that every day was god-awful, by any means. But its been so so long since I could think of H as my "go-to" for emotional support, or even, to my mind, kindness that I don't know who he is anymore. And, while I was busy stealing that quote, I saw something else too.

The fault that most of us here have is that for years we enabled their PAIN and tried to help them.
After a while the enabling still did not take away their PAIN.
That is one of the reasons they are in crisis.
Nothing that we or anyone else did could take that PAIN away.

I think this really applies to my sitch. H came to me after 2 failed marriages, no contact with those 3 children, no contact with his parents for several years, little to no contact with his sisters. Get this, his life plan at that time was to buy a sailboat and find a deserted island to live out his days, away from all civilization. Can't imagine how I didn't see this as a GIANT RED FLAG. But no. He and I were "in love" and the rest is history.

Wow, this is getting long. Breaking for posting/reading ease.