Question...do you need clarity from him to make your decision on what to do next?
More like, I don't know what to do without clarity. It's not just me. H said last weekend that the MC was frustrating, 'he doesn't like to talk about emotions and all I do is sit there'. He's right, the process is difficult and I really questioned what I was doing there last time because it had nothing to do with our M. I was just being used as the voice of dds.
Then there's the cake eating aspect. I understand how it would be a difficult transition for H to find his role in family again, but he has reverted to old familiarity with dds, assumptions, parenting, that he hasn't earned. Dds think he's full of sh!t and he acts like father of the year. H's learned the steps in therapy he needs to do to earn trust and respect for dds but he's waiting it out, which makes it seem like it's not his priority. Which leads back to, why are we showing up at MC spending time on his parenting when he doesn't apply the lessons? And I don't care anymore. That's a plus, I'm working to not parent his parenting and I truly can let that go.
Will it change my DB? Not really, I still don't want a D. But I need to know what my purpose or goal is here. DB coach recommended last week that I restate my initial said desire to work on M (when MC asked what our goals with therapy were), to stating that I would like to keep heart open to H but I know I can't work on M on my own. And that's what I'm doing. That's where I feel I need the clarity.
