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[GotoGirl]

He has said he doesn't have a problem doing things as a family.I just feel that he's having his cake...

[GotoGirl]

Thank you Limbowife (I like the name, it says a lot).

I feel that is all I can do at this point. Sometimes it is just so hard!It definitely gets easier but is still hard even after 14 months1

[GotoGirl]

So my H comes over to see the kids one night a week and then he comes over and picks them up Sunday. I really don't feel like making small talk with him anymore.

(I made a choice in April not to play "happy family" and I don't know where to go next. Up until that point we would go out to eat as a family, sometimes spend weekend days together and spend holidays together.When H would come over to see the kids, we would have conversations about work,world events,etc.At Easter, we spent the day together as a "family." I approached H about being intimate and he said I made him uncomfortable and just wanted to leave. I thought in my head "the go," but didn't say it.He said "this is nice how it is.Let's just leave it at that."That's when I decided to myself (but not say it out loud to him) to stop playing like everything was normal and we were a family in almost all aspects except that he doesn't live with us and there is no physical contact between H and I.

I feel like I don't know where to go at this point.Does anyone have any advice for me?

[GotoGirl]

Is there a way to tell if a posts is still waiting to be approved by moderator? I thought I had made a post 3-4 days ago and it still hasn't shown.I thought I had hit submit.

[GotoGirl]

So I've been distant...not starting convo when he comes over to see the kids, not texting, not asking to do stuff with us.

When he was coming to get the kids today, he texted my D and had her ask we if I wanted a coffee.

He does things like this that just make me go ?????!!!!

[GotoGirl]

Yay!Glad to see my posts approved!Thank you!

[GotoGirl]

Looks like I'm off moderation.That is good news.Thank you.

[Limbowife]

Hi GotoGirl~~ Yes my name describes exactly what my life is about right now....limbo. Seems like we are kind of in the same sitch. I am trying really hard working on my detaching and not doing so well. So much of what he does makes me CRAZY. I wish I had some words of advice but I know someone will be along to give you some. I can offer you lots of comfort and hugs tho Jusy try and be busy when you have to be around him and most important at least in my sitch DO NOT ask any questions. In my case if my H lips are moving he is lying or just saying awful hurtful things. Hang in there and remember to take care of YOU.

[GotoGirl]

Thank you for the support Limbowife.

I guess being in Limbo might be better than the alternative (The Big D)!

Hang in there. Sometimes it just helps me to vent and then I feel better. I guess this is a good place to do that!

[littleGTO]

Hi, GotoGirl,

I understand where u r at. I am there too. Limbo. It's been about a year from first BD from my H & we have been separated the last 7 months.

The best advice I can offer is G.A.L.!!!! That is the one thing that has helped me most. I figure if H is in la-la land and has not filed for a D then he is still confused.

Meanwhile I decided to "fake it until I make it"- meaning force myself to GAL even when I really didn't want to.

And what do you know, my mind-set is very slowly starting to change. I threw I great party at my house last weekend & had a lot of fun. It led me to believe that I AM going to be okay, no matter what.

How long have you been married? HOw old are your kids?

Hang in there...as you realize this journey is very, very long. ANd, it is possible that before your/my H comes out of their fog that we mayb decide that we don't want to be with them any more.

Or, they may start to realize that they really do miss their wives & regret decisions that have been made.

Each of us has to decide how long we are willing to STAND. I am starting to wonder....

GOod luck. And LIVE FOR TODAY!