It is really unfortunate that S14 has made this funeral about OW and appears to be punishing xh by not going to the funeral, because OW will be there, rather than attending his grandfather's funeral.
Also, while I appreciate the fact that D19 is schedule for work with no respite, generally speaking, most places I know make accommodations for family deaths / funerals.
Your kids will make what ever choice they want. The question might be, would they rather not go to the funeral and are using work and OW as reasons. Or are they deciding not to go and honour their grandfather and pay respects to the rest of the family (and have respects paid to them as the grandchildren) simply because of OW? They will have the rest of their lives to regret not going, or alternatively, the rest of their lives to blame their dad for them not attending.
