Another small baby step....well tiny but I'm taking it
Dropped S things off with W this am after dropping S at school. This is the only interaction me and W have when we are alone each week. Usually I stay at least an hour before heading to work and we just chat and drink coffee.
Recently I have started to initiate hugs. DB coach said to try as long as I reacted as if she pulled away. She hasn't pulled away so each time we have parted I give her a hug and she reciprocates. I also wish her a good week/good weekend each time we part company to which she always responds you to.
So onto this am. I couldn't stay long as had an early presentation to give at work. Had a quick coffee with W and then had to leave. She initiated a hug but a big hug. You know the type, a bit more than a social hug. She also said "you have a lovely week" at which point her voice choked.
However, the key point is not what she said but the tone. For the first time she sounded like she actually cared. You know when you have been with someone for so long what the different tones in their voice mean. Well this was different, so different it actually took me back a little and I very nearly told her I loved her......very nearly . She then said 'hugging you feels different, there is a lot less of you' Now I couldn't tell if this was a compliment or not given I have been working out like a madman at the gym and lost a ton of wait. But she sounded genuine and smiling and again in that 'tone'!
Now I have got carried away with these moments in the past and come crashing down so trying to keep things in perspective.
I also can't help thinking what does she want? Is that normal to be so suspicious?
But I needed something as I was starting to doubt my resolve, my feelings for W and whether I would be able to last. The good thing is my motivation and feelings for W came flooding back in the space of a 5 minute hug and interaction.
As far as the possible A goes I have decided to ride it out and not mention it. I have lasted this long I don't want to risk blowing my progress out of the water by being wrong and acting needy. Plus as Wendylon says W has never committed to working on the R and I cannot control her.
So back to me..... had my 2nd soccer match this evening which I really enjoyed. My horse riding lesson went well last week and we are moving onto a canter this week. Running club is going great, gym is going well if a little boring if I'm honest and I continue to build my R with S to new levels. I now have activities every evening (2 activities on Wednesday evening) plus S each weekend. For once in my life I am also getting my work/life balance just about perfect as well.
As for W holiday I am going to have S and let her go. I have not told her but thinking about it I think it would demonstrate to W that I can cope with S on my own for a week, that things could be different if there was any chance of R and more importantly it would give her the chance to have a holiday without caring for S and will be longest break she has had from him in nearly 14 years. There will be a provision that I will need some weekends off to get the work done on the house and during those weekends I spend time with S at hers after work (which she offered previously).
Sorry for the long post and thanks to those who continue to comment. This board continues to be a life line and the people that give their time to help are very special.
