Hello! 20 year marriage teetering... (part IV)

[AnotherStander]

I forgot to mention, D16 got a summer job, yay She went on one interview (at Sonic) and got hired! Proud parent moment She's been working there a couple of weeks and already is starting to realize just how much effort is required in earning a buck. She's not going on as many shopping trips as she was when she was spending someone else's money, LOL!

I also forgot to mention that W has gotten really distant in the last few weeks. I mentioned the Mother's Day stuff which went well, since then we've had very little interaction and what we've had has been friendly but... not sure how to describe it, kind of like casual neighbors I guess. The hugging has pretty much stopped again, I can only think of one since Mother's Day and it was an awkward hug-from-the-side kind of thing with both of us patting each other, like "see ya bud", LOL! We still trade emails concerning the kids, but that's about it. It's hard to imagine us ever reconciling from here, but I've read several other sitches that were in a similar spot when suddenly the WAS started showing interest again seemingly out of the blue.

AS, just wanted to thank you. I'm 2-3 months into my sitch and your words help give me hope that I will one day feel "normal" again no matter what the outcome.

You're very welcome I really think we need to get to that "new normal" and get comfortable with our new life there before the WAS will even think about returning. I don't think I've ever read of a WAS returning to a needy/ clingy/ desperate spouse, and even if we don't want to admit it that's what nearly all of us are for quite some time after BD. Once we get comfortable with our new life and get our confidence and PMA back, that's when the WAS might start questioning what they're doing. Kind of like the castle analogy- at first they feel cozy and safe inside those tall, cold stone walls, but eventually when they peer out the tiny slots in the ramparts and see the LBS enjoying life out on the lawn in the bright sunshine they might find they "escaped" into a prison of their own making.

BTW, I'm a mustang fan too. I've got a 2000 GT and a 1985 GT.

Sweet! When I bought mine it somehow converted both daughters into Mustang fans too, despite my suggestions that they look at Civics and the like one was drawn to an '02 Mustang convertible and the other an '07 convertible (both are V6's but nicely optioned). D16 has the '07 and it's the same color as mine. It's funny because both have tinted windows and sometimes high school kids see my car and think it's her and do crazy stuff, one kid blocked me in a drive-through lane and started revving his engine, when he finally looked over and saw me in the driver's seat instead of a high school cutie you could see the blood drain out of his face, LOL!