things went south

[MrBond]

"To clarify; OMW initial message gave me the impression"

See? Gave you the "impression". No. YOU came up with an assumption on your own which turned out to be wrong.

"I told her text I got from OMW last week was a mistake from last year and it wasn't her fault that it had to come up again now."

You shouldn't tell her that it wasn't her fault that it came up again. She has to own up to what she did. You can say that you're sorry it came up again, but don't ever say it's not her fault.

"I told her I wanted to move on and not let that (EA) effect us moving forward.
She seemed to appreciate that."

Of course. Because she didn't have to accept any responsibility for it. Don't be so quick to say you forgive her about things.

"W still isn't feeling the attractiveness for me. She figured its been a couple years. She feels like were best friends, but can't help but look at other couples that have "that spark" and be jealous."

That shows how naive your W's thinking is. Even the couples that "appear" happy don't get to that point without work. You will get out of it what you put into it.

"She thought it had never come natural to us and its possible we've never had it.
I validated and said she could be right,"

I can't stress this enough...DON'T EVER VALIDATE THE IDEA THAT SHE HAS THAT YOU WERE NEVER IN LOVE. You can validate her feelings, but don't justify her behavior. That's all part of the script.

"I said I thought it would be easier to try to find what we wanted in each other rather trying to find someone new."

Don't say something like this again. It makes it sound like she's the "easy" option.

"I explained that she'd been waiting for feelings to come back she hadn't really worked on them. I told her she needs to communicate what she needs out of this marriage so I can try to fulfill them."

No. See you're feeding into the things that SHE wants. Again, the problem is that YOU can't make her happy. She has to be happy with herself in the relationship. It's not your responsibility to "make" her happy. The more she believes this, the harder it's going to be to reconcile because she's going to keep looking at you to make her happy rather than her being happy herself and want to be there for you. The minute she feels you don't "make her" feel happy, she'll leave you again.

"She agreed."

Of course she's going to agree to this because you shifted all the responsibility back onto yourself.

"I told her I thought one of the reasons her feelings changed was because of my anxiety/panic disorder. Over the years its made me passive and its effected some of my confidence. I was never like that before. I said I've recognized that more recently and I understood how she could have lost some respect for me, but I'm looking to change it. I said please don't mistake my passiveness for a lack of self respect.
She didn't agree or disagree, but I could tell she agreed."

You're mindreading again. She told you before that it wasn't a reason, but you keep insisting that you "know" what she's thinking. You don't. Let her be the one to open up to you by creating a safe environment. If she starts opening up a little at a time, then she'll tell you what she's insecure about.

"I said I still believe in the woman I fell in love with and the couple we can be, even though neither of us have been at our best."

There you go again. You're talking about the both of you. She might think that she was always at her best. Don't speak for her.

"I said tomorrow's promised to no one. I said I used to think that abut us and I think that was one of the reasons I got complacent and took her for granted at times."

Taking her for granted is the main reason.

"We got interrupted by S5, but afterward W came over, gave me a long hug and said "thanks, I feel really great about that talk""

It's a start, but don't enable her.