things went south

[BC39]

I'll do my best to recall the main points of our conversation.

I told her text I got from OMW last week was a mistake from last year and it wasn't her fault that it had to come up again now. She said she appreciated that but understood fully why it made me upset and apologized I had to deal with it again. I told her I wanted to move on and not let that (EA) effect us moving forward.
She seemed to appreciate that.

W still isn't feeling the attractiveness for me. She figured its been a couple years. She feels like were best friends, but can't help but look at other couples that have "that spark" and be jealous. She thought it had never come natural to us and its possible we've never had it.
I validated and said she could be right, but said tomorrow's a new day and I want the same thing.

I said I thought it would be easier to try to find what we wanted in each other rather trying to find someone new.
She agreed.

I explained that she'd been waiting for feelings to come back she hadn't really worked on them. I told her she needs to communicate what she needs out of this marriage so I can try to fulfill them.
She agreed.

I explained I thought we'd always had too much surface conversation. We never talk about the important things. Ie What do you want in your life? What's your vision of happiness? How would you explain your ideal partner? We never talk about stuff like this.
She agreed.

I told her I thought one of the reasons her feelings changed was because of my anxiety/panic disorder. Over the years its made me passive and its effected some of my confidence. I was never like that before. I said I've recognized that more recently and I understood how she could have lost some respect for me, but I'm looking to change it. I said please don't mistake my passiveness for a lack of self respect.
She didn't agree or disagree, but I could tell she agreed.

We talked about her EA. I said I was worried she's still thinking about the feeling she got from that. She said she fully understood.

I said I still believe in the woman I fell in love with and the couple we can be, even though neither of us have been at our best. I said tomorrow's promised to no one. I said I used to think that abut us and I think that was one of the reasons I got complacent and took her for granted at times.

We got interrupted by S5, but afterward W came over, gave me a long hug and said "thanks, I feel really great about that talk"