Well I am back after taking a break from the boards to get some perspective. I have to say I am on a rollercoaster with S...still but I think I have seen some progress...when I did DB really hard it seem to make W miss me. When the girls came over for my birthday she gave me a warm hug and told me she missed me. She has allowed me to have the girls d(7) and d(12) for 2 weeks and she keeps them for 1 week because they have been begging her for that. While I am flattered by that it has made being a single father very hard...coming home from work getting dinner ready cleaning and putting away clothes...I feel like "flight of the bumble bee" is constantly in my head. But I want to do what is best for them. I think one of the things that really helped me is that I started seeing myself as an attractive human being again; and seeing that if this relationship does not work..I can pick up the pieces and start again...I worry about my age sometimes as I have just turned 43. Also I don't know if my girls would let me anytime soon...when I look at an attractive woman I always look to see if they are wearing a ring and my oldest daughter says "stop staring Papa" so I try hard not to look when I am with her...but still it is hard. Here is where I have screwed up: I am angry with IL's as they have never been supportive of watching the girls but now that they are older they want to see them more...or at least they say they do...when I go over to pick them up they are sitting alone working on a "project" created by IL....So when W was saying how she was depressed that kids don't call her when they are with me etc...I let her have it and I should have held back...but she just took a vacation with her band that cost her over $6000...I told her she should have vacationed with the girls...she said she would have brought them if it was later in the year...I told her that driving from Montana to New York in 3 days is not a vacation for young kids...it fell on deaf ears..but her sense of reality is skewed....I am rambling too much; I just wanted to get back on here because people here have helped me a lot in showing me that I am not alone and there is light at the end of the tunnel. thanks for listening
