My bday is approaching, and since BD was shortly after my bday it also means the 1 year anniversary of BD is also approaching. WOW, I am amazed it's been that long! I think the first couple of months after BD were the longest, most painful months of my life. But now things really feel largely "normal" again. Sure W lives somewhere else and my kids are only with me every other week, but that too feels "normal" now.
I bought myself an early present. I've mentioned before I have a Mustang GT convertible, I bought it 6 years ago. It's the only new car I've ever special-ordered. At the time it worked because W had/ has a van, but since W moved on it's been a real struggle transporting kids, buying groceries, getting landscaping supplies for the house, etc. in the Mustang. But I didn't want to get rid of it! So I started looking at older cars and ended up getting a really nice Ford Edge that's fully optioned. I got such a good deal on it that it allowed me to keep the Mustang too, yippee
The kids and I are going to Arkansas (the Ozarks) for vacation next week. This has been a family tradition for over 10 years. After W moved out, the Arkansas vacations were one of the things the kids asked about, and I told them the tradition would live on no matter what I'm sure there will be some sadness over W not being there, but we won't be sitting around much. We spend the time hiking, kayaking and caving
PatientMan- thanks! I think "content" is not so much an emotion as a state of mind, so I try to use that to describe my attitude rather than "happy" because happiness is an emotion and as such can be fleeting. But in general I am quite happy too
Tallula, thank you, you really inspire me too You've grown so much since signing on here, it's been amazing to watch your journey
SailingAlone, thanks! I remember coming here early in my sitch and reading people talk about the importance of coming to realize that we will be OK in life whether we live it with or without our spouse, but that just sounded completely impossible to me. I was here specifically to get my W back, that was my one and only goal and if it couldn't happen then life would not be worth living. Looking back I'm really surprised at just how codependent I was on my W and also surprised that I had absolutely no idea about it. I really thought I was my own, independent person. But I wasn't at all! I am now though, and am stronger for it. It's a shame it takes BD for us to become the people we should have been all along, but better late than never
stilllookingup- I missed your earlier question about whether I should be helping with the D, I think in general the LBS should not do anything to move the D forward, but I also believe that if it's possible to get through D peacefully then the LBS should facilitate that so no bad feelings develop over it. People who have nasty divorce battles can carry the bitterness from that for years after and it can kill any future reconciliation chances. Plus it can be traumatic for the kids too. My W has stated that she feels we can get through this without lawyers and that we can negotiate everything just between the two of us, and I agree that I think we can do that. So I will give her whatever info she requests, and I will sign the paperwork when the time comes. But I don't see that as helping move the D forward so much as just not standing in the way of it. I don't see D as the end of things, sometimes D can make the WAS finally feel free and that in turn can lead them back to the LBS. Of course it doesn't always happen like that, but sometimes it does. Crimson and his XW are an example. Anyway, I think the more peacefully we can get through the D then the better our future chances of R will be.
