XH asked to come over to talk to the kids "about the funeral".
XH asked kids if they wanted to speak about their great grandfather at the funeral service.
D17 said she would not go, as it was on the weekend and she had been rostered on to work and there was no-one else to take her place (her co-worker has her 21st birthday party that day). And she needs the money.
S14 asked if his father was taking OW. He said yes.
S14 said he would not go if she was to be there. He asked why OW would even need to go as she did not know the man.
There followed 2 hours of argument, threats, bullying and hang-ups on repeated phone calls by XH.
He would not budge on taking OW. Told S14 that he and I could go to the funeral and that he would stay away.
But he would not contemplate not taking her with him.
S14 was calm and pointed out how he would not be made the cause of XH not going to his own grandfather's funeral.
He begged his father to leave OW at home and to take him instead, but XH was implacable.
XH then rang me and made the following points:
I had to MAKE S14 go to the funeral with XH (&OW).
When i said that even if i could make S14 go, did XH really think it would be a good idea. and was he prepared for the probable consequences? At which point he literally screamed at me "How dare you threaten me". And hung up.
He would ring the school and get them to do something about S14's bad behaviour.
His brother had offered to drive S14 to the funeral so S14 wouldn't need to go with XH at all. (When I asked him WHY his brother would have offered to do that, XH explained that all of his family knew how I had poisoned the children against OW and encouraged them to abuse her).
I lost it at this point and told XH that he needed to cease and desist and that until he was ready to take a long hard look within himself and own his behaviour and its consequences, I would not be interested in having conversations with him again.
I know... but I am really pretty much done with this.
He then said had I looked within myself - and I explained that I had, and how I had found it a hard but worthwhile experience, etc.
I must have sounded authentic because he asked if I was seeing someone for help and advice - and when I said yes, he asked for their name so that he could see them too.
Again, so weird and so conflicted - he was spewing bile, but then this....
Later he told me that if he could afford it, he would have me locked up.
Ah, the good old days, when you could not just divorce a wife, but have her committed too. So much easier.
And at another point, when we were talking about CS and he was boasting about how little he'd had to pay when assessed recently (because he reported his salary so artificially low), I said to him that I did not believe he was himself. That the man he had been, as a father to his children, would never have behaved like this.
He replied that I had made him what he is now.
WOW!
He also told S14, later still, that everything would be fine once the D and settlement were both over. As soon as the settlement is done, everything will be so much better. S14 replied that that was "BS".
So, everyone, a little more insight into the mind of an mlc-er. Not a pretty sight.
I would really appreciate some other perspectives on this.
At this point I think I should probably just say "Go away" whenever he approaches any of us. "Leave us all alone". He is toxic.
