I'm not discouraged as much as I'm not encouraged by anything h is doing or saying. I am though enthused at the idea of moving forward for myself wo worrying about H. I AGREE TOTALLY WITH THIS- IT'S HARD, BUT ONWARD AND UPWARD - HUH? I MEAN - IT'S ALL WE HAVE TO AIM FOR... CARRYING ON- STAYING ALIVE AND GETTING ON WITH OUR OWN LIVES -
I feel as if I am always here! He needs to not have easy access to me, he needs time to be alone and maybe miss me! I need to try life alone and see if my big talk about living w out him is really how my heart feels.
it's a different world when they're not around- i agree with you- they need to miss us. i think on some level they always would- we're such a part of their lives - DOES THAT MEAN THEY VALUE US AND WILL LOVE US AS WE SHOULD BE? I'M NOT SO SURE ANYMORE. me, i can't tell - honestly. it's a guess on my part - i have no confidence in him (me, i know) him- wild card. 50-50 chance i think... i'm not so brave , am i?
i've GOT THE "ALWAYS THERE" thing going on too - at the end of a phone line - sitting in this house - in this state. i hate being "predictable and "there". i think it's part of our attraction & part of our giant flaws. tho, it doesn't seem to matter if i am not. i never ever hear the - where are you? or want to talk to you- so my assumption is that it is not there or felt.
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My H never puts me last, he's the ultimate nice guy. People would be amazed that "H" is putting his family though this!
gggez - how alike our quirky h's sound - me too. his family would never ever have one clue. my friends & fam can tell when i'm not happy- they all know something or another is up- he is not even soooo charming to my people- he puts on the same old show forh is. wtf???
however- at the end of the day- they are his "people" and they are on his side (if you will) and in the end- they don't care about me- just him. i thnk it's the sad truth in life-
his dad "loved" me- did it matter one bit - not to him or anyone else. it was just something to know-
no appreciable influence or result. same with his ancient aunt- these are the people he puts effort into and cares about- he knows they would disapprove (they both know- and do) HOWEVER - he is not one to inviter or listen to any "advice" so really- it doesn't matter. they are entities onto themselves only.
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I am doing for me, but I get sick of me also!
i'm glad to hear you say this. i'm tired to the bone of all my usual old junk i say and do. i get it- i do like myself, not a problem - HOWEVER - if all i had in my life was me- it'd be boring as hell - i'd be him- me me me me me me .......
on and on til i died of sameness. i like "the family" "the group" i am the ultimate pack animal- i like sharing everything- the good, the bad, etc. it makes EVERYTHING better to have someone to share it with. it's not even so much fun seing something beautiful without someone else to say wow with me. is that soooo awful??? raised second of five girls- have ALWAYS had a sidekick with me from one year on- wtf??? ;
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I am freaking a little...summer, no plans...no vacations...and lots of home projects pilling up!
me too a bit - school will end in three or so weeks- what then for me???? do i shove myself in and go to fla (try and force that?) and see the babies and do that??? do i hang here and act like i'm having a ball without him- do i manage somehow to swallow my total pissed-off-ed-ness about being a one week in four sidelight to his life.??? do i fine a job at a store or something? do i, do i , do i , blah blah blah
i'm dying of stinking "strategy" - i want to go back to just living a life and being what i am and not thinking about every stinking step of the way- is it rite- smart? wrong? bad form? whateverthehell - i'm croaking from strategy overload.
you sound like it too- this stuff is such a stinker - isn't it? i can't believe seven years ago you were trying to get him off the couch- has it been so very long for you? you poor girl- i swear dawn- i sure hope God is listening and someday - someway- you and i move forward with or without and are smiling and being ourselves again- and totally happy & having fun again-
that's it man- need to get dressed - middle school - da da dummmmm- the hated class - we'll see if i can conquer this obstacle today. those little rats don't scare me (tho , maybe i should have fear?) who knows that one???
anyway- heels or flats? sleeveless or gonna freeze_ the larger questions in life.....
have a great day (or try anyway) xxoo ((( ))) don't let the discouragement get you down- we can do this (whateverthehell "this" is!!))
