Hey uR! I am doing okay. Haven't been on here much because nothing really new happening. That is, until tomorrow. I think we are telling the girls tomorrow that W is leaving. PLEASE SAY A PRAYER FOR ME AND MY GIRLS. W still seems set on D once she moves out.
We will also tell all of the family in the next few days. None of them know yet. Talk about a shock. They will all be as blindsided as I was.
I have been feeling a little better recently but the next two weeks are going to be awful. Telling kids and family this week and she moves out next weekend.
Thanks for checking on me Ur.
Grizz, I wish you my best. Just a quick reminder to avoid talking to friends and family about your sitch beyond just the basics. They are going to want to hear all the sordid details and being friends and family, will want to jump into the middle of things. This just puts pressure on the WAS from all kinds of different angles and they will lay ALL the blame for this on the LBS. They will see it as the LBS rallying everyone against them. Personally my line to everyone was "we both need time and space apart to try and decide what we want for the future." That statement let people know we were having marital problems, but it did it in a way that didn't assign blame to my W. And if they pressed for more, I would just say things like "regardless of what happens, our goal is to be the best parents possible and to remain friends throughout." I never talked bad about my W and never assigned any blame to her. Keep in mind, ANYTHING you tell others WILL get right back to your W, so whatever you tell them should be something you would tell them even if your W was standing right next to them.
Thanks guys. We told the kids today. It was bad, as expected. D8 has taken it the hardest. She has cried quite a bit. She was lying in bed with our wedding picture tonight. Absolutely heartbreaking. D4 doesn't really understand. She just feeds off of big sisters sadness. I have just been trying to assure them that they are loved alot.
AS, I agree to not bad mouth W. nothing good can come of it.
D8 actually asked if we were just splitting up or getting a divorce. W said, getting a divorce. The questions from D8 and her sadness really hurts. W moves out next weekend. In the very short term, the next two weeks are going to be awful.
W said tonight, "I guess you hate me now". Then leaned into my chest and cried. Also heartbreaking.
It's too late to be up but I can't sleep. It's going to be a long day at work tomorrow.
M 37 W 36 T22 M14 D8 D4 8/2012 distanced BD 11/2012 (likely wants D. Feelings have changed.) W move out date: June 8th.
My thoughts are with you Grizz. That has got to be so tough. I can't even imagine having to tell an eight year old this stuff. This past Friday night, my 3 and half year old said to me, "dada I want momma and dada together" I felt like sticking a knife in me so I can only imagine what you are dealing with. Hang in there Grizz, I know you are strong and our daughters will be watching that.
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
My prayers and thoughts are with you Grizz, such a hard time, that I can only imagine.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
D8 actually asked if we were just splitting up or getting a divorce. W said, getting a divorce.
That's a shame, counselors usually advise to ease the kids into it by first helping them to accept and acclimate to a separation before hitting them with the D bomb. Grizz, do you go to IC? If not I would try to find a good C to help you and your kids through this, and possibly your W too. Obviously your W isn't interested in MC, but she may be open to separation/ divorce counseling.
Grizz, thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Stay Strong!
Me-48,W-51 M-22,T-24 S- 18,16,9 Feb-Jul '11 Away from Home, after initial B date Aug-Dec '11 Back at Home on couch Dec '11-now Same bedroom, room mates only Dec '14 W files initial D paperwork
Oh Grizz, I am so sorry. I am crying as I read this.
I agree with AS, look into counselling.
It is so difficult at any age. I just want to share with you some things my son told me recently. While he was 16 at the time, I believe his words would help at any age.
He said, though it was so difficult, there are things I did that helped him through. He thanked me for never saying a bad word about dad and for not getting in the way of their relationship. He said it helped him so much that I was strong and he didnt have to worry about me. He is happy I never forced him to talk about his feelings because he always knew I was there for him to talk or just sit with.
I will say to watch your daughter carefully. You might want to speak to her teacher or school counsellor.
They really will be looking at you. So it is very important to show them how to navigate through life's turmoils with strength and courage.
If you are ok, they will be, too.
It will be very hard for awhile, G, but they will get through this. After all, they have you for a daddy.
