i can relate to the quote also- it is really sad huh? the end of innocence. the end of "believing" in this guy- believing he's who you thought he was.
i think you're "being" right with it all- protective of your own heart- cognizant of the danger implicit in a r with him NOW - that you know how he "could be" in life. it's sooooo chancey - isn't it?
honestly- par5t of me thinks it's nothing more than if you meet someone new within the time frame BEFORE your h manages to win you back - win you back over- show himself to be someone new worth getting to know- you'll probably skate.
i guess that may be true for me and anyone. IT'S A HUGE "IF" THO -
i don't know the chances - 50 - 50 maybe? where the heck , now the heck, etc.
Quote:
This is a terrible loss of intimate trust. It makes you wonder what is love. What sex means or is it just a meaningless act like modern media makes it. Whether marriage really is all that, and a sacred bond.
I struggle with this each and every day.
i suppose at the very least that h is "trying" to come back.
i STRUGGLE WITH SAME STUFF - my heart is soooooo bashed out of shape- i wonder sometimes if i can ever ever even want to try - with h or anyone anymore. i'm assuming if i met someone tho- that i'd feel like it- that it's all inside somewhere. the faith- the fun - the ability to know what you see & feel and recognize GOOD when it hits you on the head. i'm awaiting my message from the universe - i truly hope it's not - "SORRY BABE- IT'S YOU ALL ON YOUR OWN FOR ETERNITY NOW)" WAH WAH
I WAS always soooo sure this was love- and love would conquer it all - anything tht could come along could be solved with enough love- boy- whattadope.
my h- he is pleasant & conciliatory- but still seeing ow - still keeping his distance & going away 3 wks out of 4 - i hate it all. i just got home to an empty house- all by my lonesome- i hate that too - i just hate it - being alone- in a dull ache kind of way- not bizerk (just f.y.i.) ...
i was at shore all weekend- it was fun- he doesn't even know- and probably doesn't even care. i coulda gotten eaten by jaws and he wouldn't even know to ask- i HATE that i just don't matter. I deserve to matter- he $uxks so much! sorry- my outburst here - gotta go somewhere!!!
he called here fri nite and i was gone- he didn't leave a message (?)(!) i'll never understand why he doesn't even say "hi- wondered what you were up to" or "- wanted to hear your voice" - something- anything- any contact with any meaning - nothing..... no words at all...
SOOOO - here's me gal- and no one to see it and know it and appreciate the fact. i honestly could back my car over him. if i woundn't suffer a guilty conscience for the remainder of my days - i'd consider it.
it IS all about him- it doesn't help me to know it- oh well- i guess i'd better go cool off (sunburnt a bit) and set my hair (scarecrow look is in - rite???) - xxo i hope you're okay out there-
i hope your h is trying hard- you do deserve his best effort. me- idk - maybe it's soooooo OVER and i'm not seeing it- like it being what it was all that time and i didn't even suspect. duhhhhhh
there is no safety in my life- no trust - nothin tonite. he's not even here-
it's hard - to swallow. i was 24 - on the heels of a bad little marriage - it was fun and fun and more fun. i felt soooospecial - really - for the first time in my life someone just really nice to me in the best of ways.
i cannot figure how it could not last forever - i cannot figue how he can even think someone else will be better to share his life with- i can't figure out anythning at all so i'd better get the heck out of here before i bore you into a comma with this crappola- sorry to be dreary.
did have a fun weekend - hope yours was okay- sorry you guys fought- interesting that he was complascent and listened and didn't go bonkers or anything- i just wish i sensed a welcome for a kiss. he kisses me when he leaves at airport- just a quickie - i wonder why ech time - honestly dawn.
the mixed messages will drive me over some edge some day-
