Sweetie, I dont want to seem like I'm nitpicking. I just care about you and I want you to get to where you need to be.
When she said I am so ready to come home - a simple ok or safe trip or even see you soon,or whatever. You keep opening yourself up for her to get annoyed, you know?
I know Urworthy! Keep slamming me. Seriously, 2x4 me as needed. This needs to sick in. Like MrCas said, sometimes I just can't get out of my own way. It was very interesting when she said ok, I'm just ready to come home. I couldn't help myself. That's out of the blue for her to say something like that. She has been texting me little things all afternoon. I finally just said, son and I are going swimming. We'll see you when you get back I am not going to bring this up, but based on the things she has been texting i would be shocked if she didn't. I'm not sure how to proceed. I want to show her i can listen without cutting her off or being controlling, but I don't really want to just be a sounding board. This stuff is so dang hard!!
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
So easier would be better? I would trade places with you right now. My W won't even talk to me... Email only. Count your blessings.
What is wrong with being a sounding board... "Yes, I understand"... "I am sorry you feel that way"... "Wow. That must have been hard for you to hear"... "What do you feel about that?"... "Want to jump in the sack?"...
Okay. Forget the last one.
Seriously. If she wants to talk... let her. Validate her words. The more they talk the more they open up. Validate her words. Listen to her. Validate her words.
and... Don't forget... Validate her words.
“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out” ― Art Linkletter
Thanks Mrcas. I definitely feel blessed that we are still communicating as much as we do. No question about it. But I do feel as though she is cake eating at this point and that is my concern about being a sounding board. This is probably the closest she has come to admitting that it would be good to work on the marriage when we said that earlier in the week. But I feel like second choice at this point. That's what I am concerned with. She needs to work on this marriage and herself because he wants to. Otherwise it won't last.
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
So, she is eating cake? Really? Second choice? That sounds like your ego talking to me.
It seems to me like she trying to make up her mind about what direction she wants to go. I would call that the first step in working on one's self. She is going to do this on her time schedule, not yours.
W: it means I'm ready to leave here and not come back
Not come back, huh? Really? You don't suppose your W got a dose of reality, do you? Whatever you do... DO NOT GLOAT if she says this. Don't even think it. Don't assume anything.
Remember... STFU.
and wear some nice clothes... and shave tight... and some cologne... iron your socks and underwear... and no gas producing food fergoodnessakes donchaknow...
“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out” ― Art Linkletter
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
That last part had me laughing out loud. I'm not sure if its my ego, but she admits that she is confused at this point and knows she needs to make a choice. She knows she needs to work on herself I will definitely listen and STFU! Lol
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
Ego drives us to do things shouldn't do sometimes. Makes us say things we shouldn't. It makes us feel things that aren't always healthy. Ego is a tough thing. Like it has a mind of it's own.
The confident man you are becoming more of can tame that ego inside you.
“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out” ― Art Linkletter
I know Urworthy! Keep slamming me. Seriously, 2x4 me as needed. This needs to sick in.
Not really my style, but, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.
I couldn't help myself.
Um, you could help yourself, right? You just choose not to.
I am not going to bring this up, but based on the things she has been texting i would be shocked if she didn't.
I'm not sure how to proceed. but I don't really want to just be a sounding board.
Nope, do not bring it up. If she does, listen to what she has to say and validate. Do not engage, C. That's what leads you into trouble.
The thing of it is, that you set a boundary with her. That if she is with om, then she cannot have a relationship with you. A boundary is to protect you. But it isnt worth anything if she doesnt believe it's real.
You keep going round and round with her. You really arent getting anywhere. She might have gotten a dose of reality. So, you need to let her sit with it. She needs to understand that you are moving forward. She knows what she needs to do if she wants to reconnect. And if your changes are real, she will see that.
And there is nothing wrong with looking good when you see her.
