Yes I know i am stuck in my rutt for some time and i know it is not attractive at all to W and for that matter anyother person in my life.
I am doing the best I can to find what it is that will pull me out of this rutt. I know I am the only one that can do it. I have tried to do many many things. I just feel that yes im still married but. I do feel i need to let my self go. Not sure what i mean by this. But I have faith in God that he can restore my M. But I do not want to be in the place i am now. Again i feel very stuck alone and now that im home with my dad. I stay here for 5 min and i leave and smell bad. No im not looking for a reason not to go out. but it is what it is. My skin smell too after a shower.
Maybe i am looking for wife to pull me out but that would not be good. God I need alot of work.
I have been on sites for dating and well no one will date a married person or separated person. Been told that a few times. so is that something form God saying just wait. I do want to have my wife back. I also do not want to file for a D. I do want to talk to W but honestly i think i am afraid how i will act if i was to talk to her. Meaning anger i have held in at her for doing this. Cry beg all the wrong stuff.
I know I had to move out of my place not by my choice. had no place but to come to my dad's and I have only been here 2 nights and i can not take it. I want to buy but dont think i can wait. I miss what i had!!!!
just want to die at this point couse thats how i feel inside......
