Now 2+ yrs time to get off this limbo

[newman7977]

Newman,
A little background to my sitch so you can put what I say into context.

Yes I ended up divorced, my biggest mistake was not giving my EXW space, I was so desperate to regain my family I would jump at the chance to 'be a family' be it going out for coffee, taking everyone swimming anything we could do all together. This was something I had avoided due to pursing my career. My wife even told me I did n't give her a chance to miss me. I focused on being a provider rather than a family man, get that right and you'll never end up here!

Today I'm with a very special lady and it has got better but the years I spent alone building a new relationship with my children and seeing them adjust, I won't lie has been very hard.

So your phone call with your wife I thought was excellent, you put the ball back firmly in her court, stated your boundaries and low and behold she respected them. My one big piece of advice is allow them to live life without you. You don't want them to come back because it's the easier option, they have to come back because they fall in love with you again and only you know what will make that happen (big clue, what where you like when they met you and what are you like now...?)

As for pussy footing around, being yourself is not being controlling. If that's how you ended up then change it. I'm sure as hell you weren't controlling when you met, regain that spark, you did n't need to control anyone back then because you were to busy living your life.

As I said I pursued my career to the detriment of my marriage, the key is to know the balance of being true to yourself and giving the love to your partner,I don't have the answer but keep working on it and it gets easier.

Stronger, I appreciate you sharing your sitch. Did you have to deal with an OM in your sitch?

I too was too desperate to save my M and so focus on that that I didn't like what I've become. Now I truly believe that I will be ok and even looking forward at the opportunity to have my own life with my kids if my W doesn't come back to R.

I was walking on eggshells thinking if I said was gonna break this etc but in reality the M is already over as of now. I'm not afraid of D anymore it's just a piece of paper we've been emotionally D two yrs ago so what's the difference if we sign papers now. But I won't do it, she will have to do all the work to D.

Funny now that I told her she's free to go, she won't go. I suppose that's good that she's really confuse in her head and she needs to sort it out. I think confusion is good meaning the WAW is seeing some good things in the M to stay and think about losing their M.


I'm out of time I will check back later.

Newman