MLC by MIL death/daughter car accident/new job

[Live4myDay]

Well I survived and so did the kids. Hahaha. Built up this fear and anxiety of the OW when X showed pictures of his trip to Europe with her. D said he even asked if she was ok to see them. Which I'm glad he was respectful. D said she really didn't want to know anything so she didn't ask questions just listened. I didn't ask her she just knew I was bothered by it and told me about it. It was relieving in a way. She said she's not a very pretty woman. I already knew that. But then she said but I don't really know her nor do I want to. I told her there may be time when she will have to for her D sake, say if they get married.

So at this point I'm back at square one. I will not see him the rest of his trip. Which is ok. Back to no expectations, my GAL, PMA, and 180. Just doing my thing until Monday when he leaves.

Like I had mention, this isn't changing anytime soon. And there's nothing I or anyone else can do. He's going to church w kids today. I went last night and the sermon was pretty good. Pastor in the beginning talks about marriage briefly because he and his wife are celebrating 30th anniversay this week. Hmmm...what what X would be thinking. He was such a family man, church man. Even when I go to church I see the couples holding hands or arms around each other with their grown kids. Nice to see. Does he ever wonder or think about us? There I go with expectations. STOP.

Ok. The kids are spending entire day with X and shouldn't be home until later tonight around 10pm. Now just need to refocus on me...after they run off into the sunlight to start their family outting...I become very paralyzed emotionally and I have to quit doing that. I;m happy the kids get to spend time with X. And I really just want him to be happy. Just don't understand how his happiness excludes everything about me.