Mixed messages after divorce

[25yearsmlc]

So sorry about your mom Kee. I wish you had realized that when you have "emotional thirst" you cannot do to a dry well.

Your h lacks basic empathy for you. For him to not show concern is unforgivably callous. Sooooo......

Let's focus for a minute on what you believe YOUR MOTHER would want for you now, from this day forward...

Would your mom tell you to make the most of the time you have here on earth?

I'd bet yes.

Would she say "do what it takes to be happy even if it's new and unfamiliar to you"?

Might she mean Not doing some of the same things you've done in the past, things that got you here?

So, You need some new tools and new behaviors and you must begin making

NEW DIFFERENT CHOICES, which you are free to do.

You are free Kee, no one is forcing you to do or not do, anything. So catch yourelf when you see more of the same from yourself...don't go down anymore cheeseless tunnels.

Before today, I asked you to do this small but mandatory exercise before and I have great reasons for asking. So I will ask you once more to do this---and I hope you really will...

Use your imagination to envision, your life without your ex husband, but with you being happy. YOU being fulfilled.


Put details into this vision. A LOT of details...e.g., how are you GAL?

What new hobbies or classes are you taking up? (One is enough to start!)

What clubs/groups or organizations or churches have you joined? (One is enough to start!)

What have you attended or learned about or visited?
(Something cool and different is enough to start!)

DETAILS....wishes, dreams...DETAIL THIS VISION of Yours, Kee...

and now,

ask yourself which of these ^^ wonderful things

(things your mom would LOVE for you to do and experience)

can be started NOW? No more delaying your "real life"...this is not a dress rehearsal. This is IT.

This is your life and if it were a play, you need to see you are already in Act II....

how do you want the rest of this show to go? It's YOUR SHOW.

If your life were a novel, ask yourself how you want the rest of this chapter and the next, to go? How will your book end?

WHO IS WRITING THE BOOK OF YOUR LIFE?

Be the author of your life. Write this yourself and accept that the main character is NOT YOUR EX...

You are the main character and he's not in any more chapters...

Begin living your life better. Live your life well.
That means taking ALL the focus off of him and putting it all on you.


So no more wondering about him, or questioning WHY he is who he is, or IF he'll ever "wake up"...

no more looking over the shoulder to see if the man who SAYS he probably can't be faithful to you or anyone

and has not been, has miraculously changed.


Trust me, If he changes, he knows how to find you and tell you. He knows b/c you have made it very easy on him. There won't be any "but I missed him changing into a wonderful man who could be perfect for me FINALLY"...that's not going to happen.

If he truly changes, AND wants to be the h you deserve, he will find you. There won't be any more guessing. No more mind games or reading into things...it'll be quite clear.

But he has NOT done so yet and it appears he's honest enough to admit he's NOT likely to ever be faithful to you...so

There is nothing for you to do for or with or to or about him, anymore.

Time for you to live your life well.

Life is not long enough as it is Kee...don't waste yours on anything but making a truly good one for yourself.

You deserve to be well treated. You deserve to be respected. You deserve to be loved.

Unless a dramatic miracle happens (Which he'd let you know of!)

he is NOT the man who will treat, respect or love you the way you deserve.

Time to move along now and not waste any more energy on him.

I'm pro marriage here. But not at all costs, plus your marriage ended anyhow.

Like the DB books say, not all marriages can be saved. Yours wasn't saved. But YOU can be saved. You can learn and benefit so that your next marriage is much healthier and happier in part because of this ordeal.

So you won't have those ulcer like stomach aches every time you think he's lying or he's late (again...)

you can have a marriage you KNOW is working and be with a man you know has your back and always will, yet without taking him for granted.

Once you begin to believe you deserve better than this EX of yours gave you, or ever will give you,

you'll have jumped a big hurdle.

Good luck Kee. Again I'm so sorry about your mom.