Letting Go & Moving Forward 2

[littleGTO]

So, here's the deal.

I am sad. I had a great party last weekend. The great feeling were suppose to linger, but two days later I started crying and I can't stop.

I am tired of being alone. I want to be loved. I want someone to want to be with me. I want to have someone care when I am sad, or ask about my day, or feel empathy when I don't feel well, ETC, ETC, ETC.

I don't want to be done, but I can't help wonder what it is I'm standing for. It is closing in on the one-year anniv of the first BD and well over a 1 1/2 yrs since H has been involved in an EA w OW.

I look at H and he is a completely different person to me now- a stranger in so many ways. So selfish, so cold, so emotionally distant. I am sure he is in some sort of MLC triggered by his mother's terminal illness then death.

But, it doesn't give me any reason to believe he will ever want life w me again.

He has made a good effort w the boys (not great, but good), but w me he is on the same path away from me that he has been on for a long time now.

I'm sorry, but I want more, I DESERVE MORE. My kids do too, but their dad no longer FEELS like my H. I WANT A H!

Yet, I am still here....and I still don't want a D. My confusion is considerable. I can't do this forever, and yet so many people here have been so much longer.

Does it REALLY ever end well?