Hey TVS, I've been thinking of you, and watching for you to post on your old thread! And here you were on your new thread the whole time, duh!
"I guess if we think of their behavior in terms of acting like a teenager, it makes some sense. Wanting that approval from "mom", but caring more about their peer's approval.
And Raine, there may very well be times where he wants me to say no to something. Sorry, but that is not my place. I'm not going to make his decisions for him, and he's not going to use me as an excuse for something he doesn't want to do. He needs to learn to speak up for himself and say no. I really hope that he will."
That's interesting. How do you think your H would react if you DID say no to something, for example, spending time with his "out of town friend" tonight? There was a time right after my H's 2 week long PA that I felt as if he was trying his hardest to push me into kicking him out. I felt as if he could not make the decision to go on his own, and wanted to make me the "bad guy" to give him an excuse for leaving. Sometimes I wonder if it might have been the best thing for us.
"Before yoga, H was tired but nice. We ate dinner as a family. I noticed him checking me out a few times.
After yoga, seems a switch was flipped. He was in a bad mood. Didn't even look at me. Finally speaks to me, and asks if it would be okay if he met a friend who is in town for a week on Friday. He said he knows that's my yoga night, but that maybe I could have my parents watch boys since they always offer. I told him I would ask them.
I'm guessing OW wants to see him Friday, and he was stressing about it. Doing my best to get out of the way...
Pressure keeps building, he keeps not sleeping, health issues worsening..."
My H does this too, I HATE it, I feel like I'm living with a psych patient whose mood might flip from happy to nasty to friendly to cranky in a heartbeat. Well....I guess living with a MLCer IS sort of living with a psych patient. Especially when they have a lot of chronic health problems like your H does. So did you find someone to watch the kids so you can go to yoga? Is he planning to wear his new golf shirt when he's out with his friend (wink wink) tonight?
"And truth be told, I have perfected sneaking a peek at him out of the corner of my eye while putting on my eye make-up. Don't try this at home kids! Lol!!!
I also sometimes experiment to see if he checks me out...
I'll purposely wear a pair of undies that make my butt look particularly good, then change out of my pj pants in front of him. (Of course acting like he's not even there)
And somebody most certainly seems to notice "
Hot stuff! You go, girl!
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
Had an emotional day yesterday, not even sure quite why. At one point, I was actually teary during yoga class. I felt all my emotions rise up and surface (not that is a bad thing - felt very cleansing). Have been doing a lot of thinking about everything.
Read this in the archives from M Go Blue ~
"You will experience a roller coaster of emotions. There will be times when you want to get off the train. Be PATIENT. The experience you are going through has great meaning. You may not understand it at this time, but eventually you will cherish having lived through this. Remember, that which not kills you makes you stronger. God will challenge you to grow and evolve during this painful crisis. You are never alone. Pray and ask for God's help.
Right now, you cannot see the big picture through all the pain you are experiencing. Please have faith. This too shall pass.
There are many friends on this board that can help you on this journey. They can be your guiding angels.
Focus on yourself. Take care of yourself, in mind, body, and spirit."
This really spoke to me today. I find myself looking for the meaning of everything. Will post an update soon.
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
I find myself looking for the meaning of everything. Will post an update soon.
Awesome quote that you shared, Tvs. Thank you.
I'm so glad you are looking at the emotions as a catalyst for growth, not a chance to bring you down.
Am looking forward to the next update.
And I love the stories of changing the clothes. Only those of us who have been through this can find the true humor in these scenarios!!
Originally Posted By: Takevowsserious
T, if you say, "Oh, look at that squirrel!" what should I say, "Oh, look at those nuts!"?
HaHahaha!!! ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ My favorite!!
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
Thank you SO much for posting this. H and I had such a bad day yesterday, and I'm luckily working all day but for the past hour or so have had the strongest compulsion to call him and ask if we'll ever be back to normal, if he will love me again once the Tramp dumps him.
He probably doesn't know what he's going to do from day to day, minute to minute.
Look up posts by mirage, someone that made it through his own MLC. He has this one great post in which he explains that in a five minute time period, his thoughts would shift from thinking his wife was great, then he couldn't stand her, back to her being great, not understanding any of what he was thinking.
Ride out the urge to call him, it will pass.
Hang in there!
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
Hey Tvs, Thanks for posting that! The longer the mlc lasts the more it seems I get the urge to give up. My ordeal has been going on for about 3 years. It seems like a day doesn't go by that I don't feel like giving up. Then I come on here and read what everyone else is going through, quotes etc and it gives me the strength for one more day.
Your patience is amazing! Keep up the good work. Keep posting!
M 48 H 50 M 25 T 27 D 20,18,15 6/11 H filed 3/12 H dropped 4/12 H moved out
Had an emotional day yesterday, not even sure quite why.
Why wouldnt you? This is such hard stuff, T. And when you are doing it day after day for as long as you have been, it wears on you. It bubbles up and has to come out sometimes.
Have been doing a lot of thinking about everything.
You are at a critical point in all this. It is around this point in the journey that I have found that the LBS (I hate that term, btw!) starts to really take a look at whether or not she can continue. And you know, you can stop at any point. Your choice, always.And if you ever decide you have had enough, I would be right beside you, supporting you every step of the way. But, T, I dont think you are done yet. I really dont.
Right now, you cannot see the big picture through all the pain you are experiencing. Please have faith. This too shall pass.
I always say, that this was a journey I was meant to go on. I believe that with all of my being. Do I wish I could have learned what I learned in another way? Abso-freakin-lutely. But, it would not have been the same. This was the way God wanted me to do it.
You will come out the other side of this a changed person, my friend. This will test your strength like nothing else. But, oh, the rewards, T.
Focus on yourself. Take care of yourself, in mind, body, and spirit."
I find myself looking for the meaning of everything.
That ^^^ is all part of this. This journey allows you to look at your life, your heart, your feelings and figure out how to make it all have meaning.
T, just remember to take this one day at a time. I know there are days where you wonder if it is all worth it. I know there are days where you just want to quit. But today is not that day.
You are a remarkable woman, T. Remarkable. You have such grace and strength and personality, a wonderful sense of humor, an awesome way of looking at life.I am honored to walk this journey with you. I know without a single doubt that God holds you in His capable hands.
Oh man, had to break out the Kleenex again after reading that
I read your post UW. And reread it. And then reread it again.
Thank you
The other day at work, I was hit with this wave of sadness. Nothing happened to spur it, it just came. And with it came this deep feeling of missing my H.
And I haven't been able to shake it.
Maybe it's the looming beach trip. Maybe it's our anniversary a week from today. Maybe it's living with him, dealing with him on a daily basis. Maybe its seeing him act "normal" more and more. Maybe it's everything.
But memories have been coming back in full force. Things I've tried not to remember, even though they are happy, because they are happy. That life is gone now, my memories stored safely away until a time I am ready to see them again. Or so I thought.
Sometimes I think I think too much. About everything. But maybe, that's what I'm supposed to be doing.
As always, you see into the heart of things, see into my heart. No, I'm not done. I know it. I have learned to at least be honest with myself, and the tank is not on empty yet.
It helps to know that I always have that choice to stop, and know that I have the support if I choose to do so. But I'm not ready to walk away - not physically or emotionally.
To be honest, I have plenty of days where I feel less than remarkable. I feel lost. Confused. Sad. Angry. And just plain old beat down.
But it all passes, and then that hope springs back up again. Over and over.
I am the one honored to walk this journey with you. Our stories are still being written, and if I do say so myself, have some pretty outstanding women as the main character
Complicated, Linda, and dear rH, thank you too for stopping by and offering support. It means a lot.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm not sure what happened yesterday at yoga. My parents were able to watch the boys so I could go. It was hotter than usual in the studio, everyone was sweating buckets. I felt all my emotions stirring in me, and they couldn't be contained anymore. I had tears streaming down my face. Lucky for me, they mixed right in with the sweat already dripping down my face!
The instructor is a dear friend of mine who knows about H. She asked me a few times after class if I was okay, she could tell I was upset.
H came home around 10:00 last night, way earlier than I expected. He was a little off, something not quite right, not in a good mood. I think he may have actually saw his friend for a bit, but this is what he does - half truths. Lies of omission. Maybe in his mind, it's not REALLY lying...
He was pretty good today. Took S5 out and about for a bit this morning, took him to lunch. S5 loved it. I told H that S5 seemed really happy to have H all to himself, and had a fun time. H seemed happy too.
This evening he brought up again about taking a family trip to a local theme park. He ran a few dates by me to see what I thought. I don't know why, but I have this sinking feeling that OW is connected to this somehow. Her kids are teenagers, so I don't think it's about her being there. Maybe she suggested it? Maybe she'll be away during that time, and he wants something to fill his time? I don't know, I just have a bad feeling about it, and I don't want to feel that way. He's suggesting doing something as a family. I should be thrilled.
Lots of texting after the kids went to bed. I was actually going to attempt watching tv downstairs for a bit (a 180, wanted to see reaction), but just couldn't take all the texting. Now I remember why I stay upstairs!
When I said goodnight, he was all nice and tried chit chatting with me. Oh hi guilt, how are you?
Anyway....
In other non- MLC related news, S5 said something to crack me up today.
Just to change things up, I decided to pull my hair back in a French braid today. I usually wear it in a pony tail or bun around the house.
So S5 takes a look at me and I can see he's checking out my hair. I ask him what he thinks, and he says, "Mom, you look like a Viking!"
It's official - I am a bad a$$. I even have the hairstyle to prove it!
Goodnight all
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
The other day at work, I was hit with this wave of sadness. Nothing happened to spur it, it just came. And with it came this deep feeling of missing my H. And I haven't been able to shake it.
I know that feeling, T. He is there in body and it is so hard to get your mind around that he isnt the same man you knew. And though you are detached, in the back of your mind, you wonder when or if he will return.
Maybe it's the looming beach trip. Maybe it's our anniversary a week from today. Maybe it's living with him, dealing with him on a daily basis. Maybe its seeing him act "normal" more and more. Maybe it's everything.
I would say it is all those things, T.
But memories have been coming back in full force. Things I've tried not to remember, even though they are happy, because they are happy. That life is gone now, my memories stored safely away until a time I am ready to see them again. Or so I thought.
You are mourning the loss of that life, sweetie. You were on autopilot since bd, trying to get your brain wrapped around it, then finding out about ow, trying to live your life, be there for your kids, detach. And now, it's finally had a chance to come through. And that is ok, to feel sad and mourn, T. It is a sad thing. One day, though, you will be able to look back at those memories with fondness and love.
Sometimes I think I think too much. About everything. But maybe, that's what I'm supposed to be doing.
Yep, you and I do think an awful lot. Most times that's a good thing. Sometimes, not so much. Sometimes you have to just be.
As always, you see into the heart of things, see into my heart. No, I'm not done. I know it. I have learned to at least be honest with myself, and the tank is not on empty yet.
I see into your heart because it is true and deep and shines through in your posts.
To be honest, I have plenty of days where I feel less than remarkable. I feel lost. Confused. Sad. Angry. And just plain old beat down.
T, how could you not? This is something that you are never prepared for. There are no rules, no books, often no one who understands. And what you are doing goes against what is natural instinct. But it is on those days that you are building up strength inside.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This evening he brought up again about taking a family trip to a local theme park. He ran a few dates by me to see what I thought. I don't know why, but I have this sinking feeling that OW is connected to this somehow. Her kids are teenagers, so I don't think it's about her being there. Maybe she suggested it? Maybe she'll be away during that time, and he wants something to fill his time? I don't know, I just have a bad feeling about it, and I don't want to feel that way. He's suggesting doing something as a family. I should be thrilled.
Our instincts are rarely wrong. But your children will be thrilled, so, try to let that go.
Lots of texting after the kids went to bed. I was actually going to attempt watching tv downstairs for a bit (a 180, wanted to see reaction), but just couldn't take all the texting. Now I remember why I stay upstairs!
And that is why I finally made some clothes for his phone and invited it to Thanksgiving dinner. LOL!
S5 said something to crack me up today.
Nothing like a five year old to brighten your day.
"Mom, you look like a Viking!"
It's official - I am a bad a$$. I even have the hairstyle to prove it!
