I have been following your posts because I have been and am in the same situation as you. I never wanted my marriage to end but it did then after all my changes ( getting my MA) ex h wanted to re- marry.) We never remarried but stayed together 4 more years and moved out of our hometown to a new state together.
During this transition, ex h was exfremely unhappy again and started distancing himself again with his commitment with me. I always felt that it had nothing to do with us, but with the internal childhood issues inside that caused MLC and his running behavior.
My Mom passed unexpectedly, and h ran for the fouth time.I know he was grieving as I was but he was not present at her funeral or there for me. Instead he was plotting his next run and had already found a place to live when I returned.
I returned back to my home state after this latest run 2 years ago. He has stayed in contact professing his love for me and sorrow for not being there.He has stated that he wished he would of been a better man to me but never faced the demons inside.
He recently told me he is in a new relationship and I have went dark. I know that this relationship might be new and exciting right now but past history even before me tells me that he will run again.
He knows that I love him and I think he loves me as much as he is capable of , loving.
I still stand to reconcile someday but I need to GAL like crazy and figure out my new life. I had a career that I worked really hard for and I left it so I have been unemployed for over a year.
I still pray that ex h figures out someday that he needs to do the painful work within in order to be whole again but I dont think he will while in a new relationship. As much as I love him and miss him, I do not want him back until he does. I have accepted that this may never happen so I need to figure out how to go on and be happy without him I have offered my forgiveness but from previous conversations with him, I think that he knows how much damage he has done and his guilt overides everything so its easier to start over then have to do the painful work with me.
Kee