Looking back over the last year something struck me. For the most part, H and I were able to communicate about kids and finances cordially, but the attorneys would get involved and emotions ran high, demands were made etc. I had wondered throughout this if what H's attorney said/demanded was really what H wanted or just the attorney's ego talking. I'm now starting to wonder how my attorney represented me. One thing's for sure, my H doesn't see the real me anymore. He seems to be doing and saying (or is it his attorney) out of anger (really hurt and fear). A year ago he was still coming to pick up the boys. Now, none of us are on speaking terms.
There have been many times when my attorney would relay a conversation and I would get into an absolute lather wondering why in the world H would treat me this way, make that demand, characterize me and my actions unfairly. Now I think I'm finally starting to see what might have been going on. If I was having an intense reaction, then H likely was too. We were no longer honestly communicating with each other. We allowed two people who had no invested interest in us personally represent us at our most vulnerable time.
From the first consultation I should have walked away from my attorney. She told me a useless story about one of her male clients who was having a long term affair, but was willing to stay in the marriage. The wife found out and filed. My attorney thought her client was a wonderful dad because he was willing to stay at home, but carry on the affair until the kids were grown. She thought the wife was too emotional and she alone was the reason the kids wouldn't talk to their dad. If only the wife would have kept things as is the kids would have a Dad at home. I thought, are you kidding me??? I should have left immediately. She has made many references to that case even at my settlement conference. I don't know why I hired her. I guess I was so broken in the beginning that I went with the first recommendation.
Something else has bothered me throughout my representation. My attorney made comments to me that my H married up when he married me. So in other words, I married beneath me. That never sat right with me. She also thought I was crazy to ever want him back. Thought I would find someone much better (better than the father of my children???) and generally steered me further away from R.
It's no wonder I have had gnawing feelings that I needed to switch attorneys. The damage that has been done may never be repaired. Both attorneys have made a lot of money keeping H and I on the D train and making sure we sufficiently hurt each other. I'm sicken. I cried myself to sleep last night.
